Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Mixed Tapes, anyone?!

My car doesn't have a CD player, so I'm stuck with only being able to listen to cassettes or the radio...it's not as bad as it sounds. I recently cleaned out my car and found my grandmother's Shirley Bassey's Greatest Hits cassette tape that I inherited when she passed away (I also have a wide collection of Barbra Streisand, George Strait, and Louis Armstrong--what can I say, my grandma had eclectic tastes!). Anyway, I have decided that I love Ms. Shirley Bassey and want to be as sassy as she is when I grow up. Diamonds are Forever is hands-down one of the best sung songs in movie theme history....

Gavin has become mildly obsessed with Star Wars. I recently found him a book entitled The Strange Case of Origami Yoda about a social misfit who is exceptionally good at origami and creates an origami Yoda finger puppet that gives sage and wise advice to the children of the school. He's reading it to me before bed and I find myself chuckling quite a bit at the lovely writing style and the story. Chrizzie, I think Little Richie would find it hysterical. After reading tonight's chapter I have decided that the phrase "peed in my pants" will forever be funny....

America's Next Top CIA Secret Model Search of America Super All-Star Edition premiered tonight. You know I watched the shit out of that show! I realized tonight that I have seen every single cycle of ANTM. I'm not sure if this is a badge of honor or if I should be terribly embarrassed. Either way, I have decided that I don't like Nigel with hair. As I told Briskey, he looks like he's either going to try to sell me a used Cadillac or put a roofie in my drink!

I also watched the premiere of the new show Ringer with Sarah Michelle Gellar. I really, really liked it. It's nice to see SMG back on TV. My mom and I discussed that she looks older, but exactly the same! To be perfectly honest, I would watch the show even if it was terrible, but I'm glad it's not. Besides, that Ioan Gruffudd sure is dreamy.

In today's installment of "Funny Stuff My Kid Says":
I was talking with my mom today about how Christopher and I have been married almost a year. She jokingly said she was surprised that we'd lasted that long and I responded with "you thought I would have stabbed him by now?" She chuckled and Gavin, who was sitting on the floor playing Star Wars Legos, looked up and said "There have been a few close calls."!!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Unde e toaleta?

Ever since Annette mentioned the "Stats" tab, I've become mildly obsessed. Evidently, I'm huge in Romania! So, let me take a moment and welcome my Romanian readers: Salut! Ce mai faci?! It is interesting how small the internet makes the world, isn't it?!

Speaking of Annette, it's her birthday today! Huzzah! I really do consider her to be a great blessing in my life and think she's the cat's pajamas! And though we grow older, Ann-ette, I want us to never grow up!! Now I'm going to watch some Xanadu while drinking a diet sprite with a wedge of lemon in your honor!

I've had another zombie dream. This one involved Christopher making me go to a zombie growing farm. The reanimation of corpses was achieved by wrapping them in a shroud and continually dunking them in some sort of liquid in big bathtubs. So I was standing, holding the upper head portion of the shroud and dunk, dunk, dunking, when the zombie came alive, turned it's head around 180 degrees, snarled at me and took a huge chunk out of my hand. I woke up when the zombie bit me. I'm not entirely sure what the prevalence of zombie dreams seems to denote for my subconscious mind, but between them and the pregnant/baby dreams, I'm slightly worried for myself!

The hunt for a full-time job continues. It's very discouraging when companies won't hire you because you don't have the experience, but you can't get the experience if no one will hire you!! I'm just gonna keep on truckin' though...it's the only way to be....

Yesterday daddy's JV football team was in the valley playing a game against Skyview, so Christopher, the kid and I all went. I have decided that it is not a good idea for me to go to these games as I nearly ripped a dude's throat out for bad mouthing the coaching. I may have an angelic, sweet face, but I will cut you if you mess with my family! I also had an older gentleman ask me if I had a boy playing on the team. I must say it was a bit of a kick to the ego. I know that I've let myself go a little bit and can't seem to lose the weight I gained with nursing school, but I didn't think I looked old enough to have a 16 year old son. Sigh. I'm convinced it's the forehead wrinkles and the age spots on my hands....it's like you wake up one morning and you've got old lady hands and you can't understand how this all happened! It's like my body hit its expiration date and there's nothing I can do now but watch myself decompose slowly over the next 50 years!

In today's installment of "Funny Things My Kid Says":
Yesterday, President Obama gave a special speech in Congress about his new Jobs bill. They were playing it on UPR and Christopher and I were listening to it. I had been up late the night before and was feeling a little tired, so I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes to listen. As I was laying there, Gavin tiptoed up to me, gently patted my shoulder and said "Do Republicans make you sleepy?!"

Saturday, August 20, 2011

I think motherhood should award medals!

The title section of my blog remembers previous blog titles....I don't know why, but this creeps me out. I guess it's helpful if I'm suffering from some sort of amnesia, like a soap opera character or that one girl who auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance with Cat Deeley on the Hot Tamale train dance show this year. But I'm not, so it just creeps me out.

Congratulations to both Kevin and Briskey for becoming gainfully employed. Hooray being able to pay the light bill doing something you love!

On the note of no longer being a burden to the taxpayers of America, I also have procured myself my first job as an LPN. I will be giving seasonal flu shots. It's a temporary job, only from September to December (flu season, ironically), but it feels nice to be using my license, even if it is spending six hours a day poking people in the deltoid!

My step-daughter Hannah turned 13 yesterday. We had six teenage girls giggling and whispering and eating treats in our basement last night for a sleep over. All of her friends are cute and not socially awkward at all. Nothing like myself at 13! Christopher is having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that his daughter is 13 and 3 years away from driving and dating. We have told her, however, that she's not allowed to date until she's 23, so we'll see how that goes!

We all drove to Idaho Falls on Monday to go see The Bodies exhibit. If you have the opportunity to see this show, I vigorously encourage you all to go. It's a collection of dead bodies, stripped of their skin and preserved using a special polymer. It is a bit unnerving when you first walk in and are met with the first body, but eventually the "creepiness" subsides and you're just left with this fascination of how marvelous and spectacular the human body really is. It is an interesting predicament trying to explain to your nine year old stepdaughter what testicles are, but a girl has gotta learn some time, right?!

In today's installment of "Funny Things My Kid Says"

With six teenage girls, and one tween who is desperate to be a teen, in the house last night, Gavin just could not handle that much estrogen. I went up to his little loft room above the kitchen for him to come down and have cake.

Him: Mom, I can't come down there. There are too many girls down there. I don't want to be in a room with that many women. It's an unnatural balance.

And he most certainly did not come down to the kitchen! I ended up having to take his slice up to his room for him to eat!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I wouldn't be surprised if I got a pat-down....

All is quiet in the house....all the wee ones (and my not so wee husband) are fast asleep. I, unfortunately, seem to be experiencing a case of the Can't Sleeps, so I thought I'd update all you fine people (all 4 of you!), on what's been going on in this life I'm leading. Hmmmm.....where to start, where to start.....

Sadly, no more dreams starring Tom Skerritt. Sad face.

I took my nursing boards test last week. They are not kidding around when it comes to security/cheating prevention. Not only was I photographed and fingerprinted, but I was also palm vein scanned! Yeah, I'd never heard of it either, but evidently it's one of the ways the folks at PearsonVue ensure that I am who I say I am and that I haven't switched myself out with a smarter person named Tina who was waiting in the stall of the women's toilet in a blonde wig. I was convinced that I had failed. During the ENTIRE thing I was filled with the deep panic of currently being in the process failing, and failing in an epic manner. It was a terrible feeling. I finished the test in just 70 minutes and when I got finished the testing proctor said "Well, that was quick." This did not make me feel better and I made it as far as the main entrance of the building before I began to cry, and proceeded to cry for the remainder of the day....and most of the next day. Finally, I accepted that I was just going to have to take it again and that it would be ok, that I'd just study harder next time and be more focused. I was even contemplating getting a tutor. I was emotionally prepared for failure. Then I paid a small fee (the best $8 I've ever spent) and discovered that I passed! All that emotional anguish for nothing! All those tears and acid reflux and eating my feelings for nothing! I'm currently in the possession of my official LPN license and can now start looking for a job. You know, guys, it feels strange. It took me 2 1/2 years, from the start of this journey to the end, and I can honestly say I feel a little...I don't know, lost, for lack of a better word. I'm finally here and I thought I would feel different or it would feel different and it doesn't and I don't....does any of that even make any sense?!

Hans bought Gavin a bunch of classic books adapted for children. We're currently reading Call of the Wild, which I have never read. That shit is depressing. Gavin seems to think it's great, but I think it has more to do with the fact that it's told from the perspective of the dog and involves "adventure" than from what actually occurs in the story. He wants to read White Fang next, another book I haven't read, so I'm really hoping it's a little less depressing than this one!

It's thundering and lightning like crazy here. Summer storms in Logan....one of the lovely things about living here.

I'd like to start a new segment to my blog entitled "Funny stuff my kid says"! Today's installment involves a little backstory. I am addicted to chai tea lattes from the Starbucks. I have to force myself to only get the grande and to only go once a day. It's a terrible addiction. Due to my penchant for iced chais during the summer months, Gavin is well acquainted with the Starbucks (he will get himself either a vanilla bean smoothie, but his new favorite drink is the double chocolatey-chip smoothie). The other day Christopher bought a little coffee maker that allows you to only make one cup of coffee at a time and involves a small filter, a couple spoonfuls of coffee grounds and hot water from the kettle. So the other day Gavin was commenting about how he likes the smell of coffee...the premiere submission into "Funny stuff my kid says":

Him: Ahhhhhhh. The sweet smell of coffee in the morning. It reminds me of Starbucks. And I am awful fond of Starbucks!

I know. What kid uses the phrases "awful fond"?! I don't know where he gets it, but it's awesome!

My husband has just wandered out the the living room wondering where I am, so I think I'm going to to escape to the bedroom and have an actual grown-up conversation....no, that's not a euphemism....I really do mean a grow-up conversation....I've been a stay-at-home mom with Gavin and the girls for the past week, and I have to say, I don't know how you do it, Annette!!

I hope you're all doing well and take a minute to eat a snow cone...and no, that's not a euphemism either!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Your dad is gorgeous. Thanks, I know!

I'm convinced that as I get older, my dreams are getting weirder. I thought the weirdest one was the one where I was being chased by zombies through a high school library and the zombie turned out to be Tom Cruise, but last night's dream has topped it. I dreamt that I was married to my husband, Chris, but it wasn't Chris, it was Ewan McGregor, and we had gone on a holiday somewhere to this little bed and breakfast and while we were there we got all muddy and got mud all over the carpet and had to spend hours cleaning it up. Then in dream fashion, I wasn't muddy anymore and someone was knocking on the door to my room. So I go to answer the door and it's Tom Skerritt....for those of you who don't know who Tom Skerritt is, here is a reference pic....



Admit it, he is a little dreamy....anyway, so Tom Skerritt shows up because evidently Tom Skerritt and dream me used to be an item and he's come to interrupt my romantic mini-break holiday with my husband who is not Ewan McGregor but is Ewan McGregor to win back my affections. Dream me was pretty angry about the whole thing. The best part was when Tom Skerritt said to me, in an effort to make me love him again...."I heart (something I can't remember), but I heart heart you"! See what I mean, they just keep getting stranger and stranger!

I'm feeling a real lack of motivation to do anything today, which is a bad thing considering I have an NCLEX to study for and a storage room to clean out and bread and dishwashing detergent to go and buy. Please give me some motivation....anyone, anyone!

I took the kids to see Harry Potter on Sunday. I thought they ended it quite nicely. I was never a fan of the way J.K. Rowlings ended it in the book...that dumb flash forward scene with grown-up Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny, but even that didn't annoy me. I was a little underwhelmed by the fight seen between Mrs. Weasley and Bellatrix, I was hoping that it wouldn't follow the book and would be this epic girlfight, but alas, it wasn't and I was left wanting. Sigh. I would recommend going to see it, if you haven't already.

Briskey--I'm glad that you're back....I was starting to worry that something had happened to you, but you were just in the backwoods...phew! And YES you knew that Maryanne and Jeb got married....they've been married for like 4 years!!

Friday, July 15, 2011

If life were a multiple choice test, always pick C!

After some confusion concerning my transcripts and the fine people at DOPL, I am now scheduled to take my NCLEX...it's the test that allows me to become a licensed PN. It's all very involved. I have to go to a specific testing center. I have to have my authorization to test letter along with my ID or I will not be allowed to take the test. I am not allowed to wear jackets, watches, jewelry of any kind, chew gum, or use chapstick while in the testing room....I must admit I'm a little anxious about the no gum, no chapstick....I'm kind of addicted to both and the idea of going without them makes me a little uncomfortable! The test can take up to 5 hours to complete and it can take up to a week to get the results back. And if you don't pass it, you have to re-register and pay the $200 testing fee again (I thought $200 was a ridiculous amount of money, but then my dental hygienist was saying that she had to take one test that cost her $1500 to get her license and I didn't feel so bad about the $200!!). I did pretty well on the practice NCLEX we took in school, but it's been over a month since I've thought about nursey stuff and I feel very "rusty"! Thankfully I have a couple of weeks to study before the test, so hopefully that will help and I can get my brain back into patient care mode and I won't have a problem! I AM going to have to find a way to smuggle in my Wax Baby Jesus, who is my good luck charm...he's too pokey to put in my shoe or down my pants...besides, there does seem something slightly sacrilegious about sticking a small religious icon down your pants!

Once a week, the kid and I go over to my mom's for "Date Night." She DVRs all the terrible shows we like to watch (Bridezillas, anyone?!) and then we spend all evening watching shows and eating dinner and talking about nothing in particular (which, in my opinion, is sometimes the best conversation you can have!). In the doorframe to the laundry room, are measurements of how tall the kid is for the last few years. His favorite thing is to run over and see if he's grown any since the last time we measured him. Well, last night, it turns out he had....he'd grown an inch in a month!! I guess that explains why all his pants seem to be too short now! I DO NOT like that he's getting older. It makes me feel like we're fast approaching that expiration date where he starts to think I'm lame and doesn't want to hug me anymore. I understand now why some ladies continue having babies because they always want the snuggle-cuddle stage.

It is Christopher and my's 9-month anniversary today! That's crazy!

Christopher and I are proud members of the NetFlix family and just got Season 3 of True Blood in our queue....we've watched the first disc and It. Is. AWESOME! They've just introduced the werewolves into the storyline and I'm patiently waiting for Alcide to make his appearance.....mmmmmm.....Alcide!

Floodikins--Indeed we do need to talk and catch up!! I have no idea what's going on with you!! How are Summer and the babies?!

Kevin--I hope Denver is treating you well and you've had some success with the job hunt...

Good Morning Lisa--I was literally thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were!! I am not dead, thankfully, and I think of you every time I pass your parent's house in the canyon!

Ann-ette--I agree with you...sometimes I look at the kid and think that he's still the most spectacular thing to me...and that I made him and carried him and raised him and he's for the most part a normal and smart kid! It's all rather surreal, isn't it?!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Holiday. Celebrate. I live in my sister's basement.

It's the first day of July. Where did June go? I suppose summer loses some of it's magic when you become a grown-up and summer vacation ceases to exist, but I still marvel at how quickly time passes. It makes me feel old and I don't like feeling old.

I'm officially IV certified, so if anyone needs some maintenance fluid or IV piggy back antibiotics, don't hesitate to call. I successfully got both my sticks on the first try without any "fishing." I was very pleased....and so was Alivia....nobody wants to be a human pin cushion!

We have big plans for this holiday weekend! BBQs and trips to Bear Lake and water balloon fights. I will not be participating in the aforementioned water balloon fight, as I don't like wet underpants, but I'll fully endorse my children spraying their father with the hose!

Have a safe and fun Fourth of July Holiday everybody!! And just remember: "These Colors Don't Run"!!!