Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Workin' 9 to 5....well, really 8:30 to 5:30, but it doesn't have the same ring and besides, I want to quote Dolly Parton and you can't stop me!

First, let me begin by wishing my dearest friend Briskey a happy birthday! What's that you say, you say that it's not Brian's birthday, that Brian's birthday was actually on Sunday....the 20th...oh....ooops....my bad.....oh, well, better late than never: Happy Birthday, Briskey!!

Second, the reason I've been a little absent is that I recently started a new job. I'm working as a nurse full-time for a local physician and I start my working day at 8:30 and I don't stop until I leave at 5:30 and by the time I get home, I'm so tired, I can do little more than watch television and feed myself dinner without spilling on my shirt! I'm still learning all the quirks of the office and trying not to get overwhelmed by the new stuff I'm learning every day. I'm just trying to stay focused on the day, hopefully in the near future, that I won't have to ask where stuff is! And Ann-ette, you should know, that I'm doing all of this to one day be able to be the nurse for Mike at his practice, so you should probably warn his nurse that it's only a matter of time before she's replaced and then Mike will be surrounded by you at home and me at work and he'll LOVE it!!

Since writing to you last, Christopher and I celebrated our one-year anniversary. I still can't believe it's been a year...it's crazy! We went out to dinner, just the two of us, and it was lovely. Sometimes you get so caught up in the day to day grind that you forget about how much you love the person you're married to!

Today's installment of "Funny Things My Kid Says":

The other day Gavin was helping me with some household chores. I was telling him that I really enjoy sweeping because at the end of all the work you've got this pile of dirt and junk that shows the effort was worth it. I said that it made me feel like I had accomplished something. After we swept, he vacuumed the front room all by himself and when he was finished he turned to me and said, "You're right, mom. This is fun! And I feel really fulfilled!"

Monday, October 10, 2011

Manly Men

An open letter:

Dear Cashier Lady at the grocery store,

The answer is yes. Yes, I'd like my groceries in a shopping bag. All my groceries. Yes. Even the frozen pizza.


The weather sure has turned frosty here. We had to turn on the furnace the other day. You always know when winter is approaching because the entire house smells like that burned socks haven't used the furnace in a while smell. I'm actually looking forward to it cooling down. That means it's sweater weather, my favorite, but I could do without the snow. Is there somebody who I could talk to about having no snow during the winter?

I've become addicted to the CSI reruns on SpikeTV. They start at 9am and go until 1pm. By the time they're finished, I've lost the entire morning, and I feel marginally guilty about it, but mostly I wonder what episodes are going to be on tomorrow!

Training for my new job went well. Everybody was extremely nice and patient with me. It's always a crap shoot whether or not you'll fit in, so it's nice when you do.

Ann-ette, I giggled non-stop for a solid minute about Grayzilla and his frogging in the computer room and then telling you about it! I giggled about it just now writing this!

Lillith--isn't it nice to know the incessant, stab-inducing songs of those alphabet videos actually work! It makes the potential nervous breakdown worth it!

I have a few additions to the blog installment of "Funny Stuff My Kid Says"

I was driving the kid to school the other morning, this was our conversation
Me: I'm hungry!
Him: Me, too!
Me: How can you be hungry, you just ate a bowl of cereal and a cup of hot chocolate/!
Him: Mom, just because I already ate breakfast, doesn't mean a man can't be hungry.

As I was leaving to go to Salt Lake, Gavin was hugging and kissing me and telling me "please don't go" and "I'll miss you". I gave him a hug and told him I'd be home soon and he wouldn't even notice I was gone. As soon as I stepped out the door, he turned to Chris and said, "It's Man House now!"

While I was away at training, Gavin and Christopher were attempting to finish the Raiders of the Lost Ark level on Legos Indiana Jones. As they were playing Gavin told Christopher to pause it, because he had to go to the bathroom. He ran to the stairs and before ascending them, turned to Christopher and said, "We need buckets. Pee buckets. Then we wouldn't have to stop playing to go to the bathroom, we could just use the pee buckets."

Monday, October 3, 2011

I'd like one Satin Scorpion Jacket, please....

Hans and I went to go see the movie Drive yesterday, since she was up visiting for the weekend. I love Sunday matinees in Logan because nobody goes to movies....it was just Hans and I in the theatre (except for half way through when a weird dude came in and sat near the front of the theatre and then left before the credits....strange)....so we got to talk in outloud voices, which is something we're vigorously against at regular movies, but when it's just you and your sister, you can break the rules a little! Anyway, it was a very good movie. The pacing of the movie was very interesting in conjunction with the premise that the lead character is a get-away driver for criminals, so it would ebb and flow between being tense and fast and being slow and subdued. The second half of the movie was pretty bloody and violent...I could have done without seeing the fork stuck in a dude's eyeball....but I really enjoyed it and would recommend it. And my goodness is that Ryan Gosling dreamy.

I bought myself a little sewing machine this weekend, so I can sew Gavin's Halloween costume. It's nothing fancy, but it's a good little machine. Gavin has become obsessed with it. He's been asking to sew on it since I got it. So last night we sat down and I taught him how to sew. He just finished making me a belt with several pockets on it. It's slightly too big and the pockets have been sewn on upside down, but he was very proud of his first belt and I am currently wearing it!

I start training for a new LPN job at a home health company this week. It's in Salt Lake, so I'll have to drive down once a week and stay with Hans and my dad, but it'll be good to keep my skills fresh and to get a little experience.

I'm with Kevin, Ann-ette, it's important to get things in order. I have a will and Gavin will be going to my brother and his wife if anything should ever happen to me. I don't anticipate ever needing it, but it's good to have it. Also, I'd be happy to take on Grayzilla and Bebe Avery. Gavin is so grown up, he hardly needs me anymore and I've been missing having a little one around! Besides, who better to take care of your kids than someone in the medical profession?!!

Speaking of babies, I had another weird dream the other night that I artificially inseminated myself in the backseat of a limo and then started to freak out when I realized the sperm was from a black man and I didn't know how I was going to explain to my husband (who didn't look like my husband, but looked like the actor who plays Michael Westen on Burn Notice) why I had a black baby! I don't know where these dreams are coming from, but maybe I need to start listening to some Yanna before I go to bed...mellow this shit out a little bit!

In today's installment of "Funny Stuff My Kid Says"
The other day we were watching The Daily Show and they were discussing how poorly Rick Perry handled the Republican candidate debates. On one of the clips of the political shows, the commenter was equating Rick Perry's inability to form coherent arguments to having just "vomited on himself." John Stewart than took the joke a step farther and imitating the aforementioned commenter talked about diarrhea and poo and Rick Perry putting his hand in it. Well, Gavin and I having the mind of a 12 year old boy and finding bathroom humor funny, just laughed and laughed. Between giggles, Gavin said, "I don't know who this guy is, but he's hilarious!"

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Buttons, Nuts, and Cupcakes

I'm currently writing this blog post on my iPhone. Why am I writing from my iPhone you may be asking yourself. Well allow me to explain. It is because my son currently has possession of my computer and is playing an online game entitled Defend Your Nuts. Yes. Defend Your Nuts. In which the player is a squirrel and must defend his nuts from various monsters that intend to steal his nuts. I told Christopher if he played his cards right, we'd play a little Defend Your Nuts later tonight! Was that an overshare?!!

In keeping with the overshares, Lillith, true story... I went braless once and the first words out of my mother's mouth was "your buttons are showing"!!

I'm happy to report I got my flu shot and didn't feel the teeniest bit ill afterwards....last year I got my shot and got pretty sick the next day. Maybe that's not the best way to encourage you, but everybody get a flu shot this season....you'll thank me later!!

I just finished making fun-da-middles cupcakes. If you haven't heard of them, find them at your local grocery store and make them, as they are awesome and ridiculously delicious!

The auto correct on my phone kept changed fun-da-middles to fun-da-Middlesborough. Not a very good name for cupcakes in my opinion.

And Ann-ette, two things. One. I was NEVER a crier, and as soon as I had Gavin, it's waterworks central. Ask Christopher about the time we watched the movie Taking Chance and they showed pictures of the real life Chance at the end of the movie and I cried for an HOUR....an HOUR!! And if I know a tv show that I usually watch is going to have an episode that deals with something awful happening to a child, I refuse to watch it. Two. I am very glad you gave up that ridiculous diet. Here. Have a fun-da-Middlesborough

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A cream and two sugars

I'm writing to you all between bites of blueberry muffin. Don't get excited. It's a FiberOne blueberry muffin. This makes me officially old.

My husband's dog (I refuse to accept true ownership and refer to him as "our" dog) is in the front room eating toilet paper he got out of the bathroom garbage. And when I go anywhere near him, in a vain attempt to get the toilet paper, he picks it up in his teeth, growls at me and runs away. I'm convinced that he does this just to be an a-hole.

Since marrying Christopher, I have become a coffee drinker. Granted, I have to put so much milk and sugar in it to make it sweet enough, that it really should be called Sugar Milk with Coffee, but I was recently at the Starbucks and thought I'd try their new Pumpkin Spice Latte. Oh geez. It's good. TOO good. Now my day revolves around how I can manufacture errands that need to be run so I can, without guilt, go to the Starbucks and get one. This could potentially be a VERY bad thing for my wallet and my waistline.

I work my first flu shot clinic tomorrow. There's nothing really funny to say about that, just thought you guys might like to know.

Gavin's obsession with Star Wars continues. Last night he came upstairs, having made a throw blanket into a cloak and said "Look mom, I'm Lando Calrissian!"

Ann-ette, I was thinking that EXACT same thing with Dominique!! My first thought was how she lost the baby weight so fast and then quickly the second thought was "Who's taking care of your baby?!!" I don't know why you'd want to be away from your baby, but I suppose the paycheck for the series is pretty good, but let's be honest, we all know that Laura is going to win (as she was robbed and should have won her cycle), so missing that snuggle time with your baby wouldn't be worth it to me. And also, I think it's unnatural to lose all the baby weight that fast!!
P.S. I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself about the baby weight stuff. You're healthy and happy, with two beautiful babes and a husband who loves you and you'll lose the weight eventually, cut yourself some slack!

Ok, I better go. The dog is barking at a sprinkler. Sigh.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Who cares! Just eat the cake already!

Gavin started at a new school this year and the curriculum is a little more involved than at his last school. I was helping him with his homework tonight and this was one of the actual questions we were faced with in the math section:
The clockmaker's wife was a mathematician. On his birthday she invited five other couples to tea. She made a birthday cake decorated to look like a clock face with numbers made from pink icing. She cut up the cake into twelve slices with a number on each slice.
The slices that she gave to each couple added to the same number. What was the number?
The clockmaker had the slice with 12 on it because it was his birthday. One guest wanted 7 because it was her lucky number. All the slices that went to men added to a number equal to those that went to the women. How could this be arranged?

O_O Blink Blink Head Scratch Huh?

Did I mention that Gavin is 8? EIGHT!!
It is a good thing that I married a man who is good at math, because that shit was even confusing to me!

Annette--I have seen pictures of Baby Avery and there is nothing that would make me think that she is a freakishly tall/big infant. Perhaps you need to put a Toony next to her in future photos so I can see the scale of things!!

Christopher and I are going on a date tomorrow night. I honestly can't remember the last time we went on a date! I think it was some time in February...maybe....It gets tricky trying to organize alone time with 3 babies, but we're going to do it. I might even shave my legs!

I'm reading a book entitled The Girls of Murder City. It's a non-fiction book about the women that inspired Chicago, but it explores more than just the women; it explores the entire culture of 1924 Chicago and the relationship between Prohibition, Gangsters, Women who murder, and the papers and reporters that cover the trials. It's really interesting and it's fun to see the way the fiction within a play weaves with the fact of real life. I highly recommend it!

In today's installment of "Funny Stuff My Kid Says":
Actual quote: "And if World War III starts, mom will send me to Canada, they are quite friendly there."

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Mixed Tapes, anyone?!

My car doesn't have a CD player, so I'm stuck with only being able to listen to cassettes or the radio...it's not as bad as it sounds. I recently cleaned out my car and found my grandmother's Shirley Bassey's Greatest Hits cassette tape that I inherited when she passed away (I also have a wide collection of Barbra Streisand, George Strait, and Louis Armstrong--what can I say, my grandma had eclectic tastes!). Anyway, I have decided that I love Ms. Shirley Bassey and want to be as sassy as she is when I grow up. Diamonds are Forever is hands-down one of the best sung songs in movie theme history....

Gavin has become mildly obsessed with Star Wars. I recently found him a book entitled The Strange Case of Origami Yoda about a social misfit who is exceptionally good at origami and creates an origami Yoda finger puppet that gives sage and wise advice to the children of the school. He's reading it to me before bed and I find myself chuckling quite a bit at the lovely writing style and the story. Chrizzie, I think Little Richie would find it hysterical. After reading tonight's chapter I have decided that the phrase "peed in my pants" will forever be funny....

America's Next Top CIA Secret Model Search of America Super All-Star Edition premiered tonight. You know I watched the shit out of that show! I realized tonight that I have seen every single cycle of ANTM. I'm not sure if this is a badge of honor or if I should be terribly embarrassed. Either way, I have decided that I don't like Nigel with hair. As I told Briskey, he looks like he's either going to try to sell me a used Cadillac or put a roofie in my drink!

I also watched the premiere of the new show Ringer with Sarah Michelle Gellar. I really, really liked it. It's nice to see SMG back on TV. My mom and I discussed that she looks older, but exactly the same! To be perfectly honest, I would watch the show even if it was terrible, but I'm glad it's not. Besides, that Ioan Gruffudd sure is dreamy.

In today's installment of "Funny Stuff My Kid Says":
I was talking with my mom today about how Christopher and I have been married almost a year. She jokingly said she was surprised that we'd lasted that long and I responded with "you thought I would have stabbed him by now?" She chuckled and Gavin, who was sitting on the floor playing Star Wars Legos, looked up and said "There have been a few close calls."!!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Unde e toaleta?

Ever since Annette mentioned the "Stats" tab, I've become mildly obsessed. Evidently, I'm huge in Romania! So, let me take a moment and welcome my Romanian readers: Salut! Ce mai faci?! It is interesting how small the internet makes the world, isn't it?!

Speaking of Annette, it's her birthday today! Huzzah! I really do consider her to be a great blessing in my life and think she's the cat's pajamas! And though we grow older, Ann-ette, I want us to never grow up!! Now I'm going to watch some Xanadu while drinking a diet sprite with a wedge of lemon in your honor!

I've had another zombie dream. This one involved Christopher making me go to a zombie growing farm. The reanimation of corpses was achieved by wrapping them in a shroud and continually dunking them in some sort of liquid in big bathtubs. So I was standing, holding the upper head portion of the shroud and dunk, dunk, dunking, when the zombie came alive, turned it's head around 180 degrees, snarled at me and took a huge chunk out of my hand. I woke up when the zombie bit me. I'm not entirely sure what the prevalence of zombie dreams seems to denote for my subconscious mind, but between them and the pregnant/baby dreams, I'm slightly worried for myself!

The hunt for a full-time job continues. It's very discouraging when companies won't hire you because you don't have the experience, but you can't get the experience if no one will hire you!! I'm just gonna keep on truckin' though...it's the only way to be....

Yesterday daddy's JV football team was in the valley playing a game against Skyview, so Christopher, the kid and I all went. I have decided that it is not a good idea for me to go to these games as I nearly ripped a dude's throat out for bad mouthing the coaching. I may have an angelic, sweet face, but I will cut you if you mess with my family! I also had an older gentleman ask me if I had a boy playing on the team. I must say it was a bit of a kick to the ego. I know that I've let myself go a little bit and can't seem to lose the weight I gained with nursing school, but I didn't think I looked old enough to have a 16 year old son. Sigh. I'm convinced it's the forehead wrinkles and the age spots on my hands....it's like you wake up one morning and you've got old lady hands and you can't understand how this all happened! It's like my body hit its expiration date and there's nothing I can do now but watch myself decompose slowly over the next 50 years!

In today's installment of "Funny Things My Kid Says":
Yesterday, President Obama gave a special speech in Congress about his new Jobs bill. They were playing it on UPR and Christopher and I were listening to it. I had been up late the night before and was feeling a little tired, so I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes to listen. As I was laying there, Gavin tiptoed up to me, gently patted my shoulder and said "Do Republicans make you sleepy?!"

Saturday, August 20, 2011

I think motherhood should award medals!

The title section of my blog remembers previous blog titles....I don't know why, but this creeps me out. I guess it's helpful if I'm suffering from some sort of amnesia, like a soap opera character or that one girl who auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance with Cat Deeley on the Hot Tamale train dance show this year. But I'm not, so it just creeps me out.

Congratulations to both Kevin and Briskey for becoming gainfully employed. Hooray being able to pay the light bill doing something you love!

On the note of no longer being a burden to the taxpayers of America, I also have procured myself my first job as an LPN. I will be giving seasonal flu shots. It's a temporary job, only from September to December (flu season, ironically), but it feels nice to be using my license, even if it is spending six hours a day poking people in the deltoid!

My step-daughter Hannah turned 13 yesterday. We had six teenage girls giggling and whispering and eating treats in our basement last night for a sleep over. All of her friends are cute and not socially awkward at all. Nothing like myself at 13! Christopher is having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that his daughter is 13 and 3 years away from driving and dating. We have told her, however, that she's not allowed to date until she's 23, so we'll see how that goes!

We all drove to Idaho Falls on Monday to go see The Bodies exhibit. If you have the opportunity to see this show, I vigorously encourage you all to go. It's a collection of dead bodies, stripped of their skin and preserved using a special polymer. It is a bit unnerving when you first walk in and are met with the first body, but eventually the "creepiness" subsides and you're just left with this fascination of how marvelous and spectacular the human body really is. It is an interesting predicament trying to explain to your nine year old stepdaughter what testicles are, but a girl has gotta learn some time, right?!

In today's installment of "Funny Things My Kid Says"

With six teenage girls, and one tween who is desperate to be a teen, in the house last night, Gavin just could not handle that much estrogen. I went up to his little loft room above the kitchen for him to come down and have cake.

Him: Mom, I can't come down there. There are too many girls down there. I don't want to be in a room with that many women. It's an unnatural balance.

And he most certainly did not come down to the kitchen! I ended up having to take his slice up to his room for him to eat!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I wouldn't be surprised if I got a pat-down....

All is quiet in the house....all the wee ones (and my not so wee husband) are fast asleep. I, unfortunately, seem to be experiencing a case of the Can't Sleeps, so I thought I'd update all you fine people (all 4 of you!), on what's been going on in this life I'm leading. Hmmmm.....where to start, where to start.....

Sadly, no more dreams starring Tom Skerritt. Sad face.

I took my nursing boards test last week. They are not kidding around when it comes to security/cheating prevention. Not only was I photographed and fingerprinted, but I was also palm vein scanned! Yeah, I'd never heard of it either, but evidently it's one of the ways the folks at PearsonVue ensure that I am who I say I am and that I haven't switched myself out with a smarter person named Tina who was waiting in the stall of the women's toilet in a blonde wig. I was convinced that I had failed. During the ENTIRE thing I was filled with the deep panic of currently being in the process failing, and failing in an epic manner. It was a terrible feeling. I finished the test in just 70 minutes and when I got finished the testing proctor said "Well, that was quick." This did not make me feel better and I made it as far as the main entrance of the building before I began to cry, and proceeded to cry for the remainder of the day....and most of the next day. Finally, I accepted that I was just going to have to take it again and that it would be ok, that I'd just study harder next time and be more focused. I was even contemplating getting a tutor. I was emotionally prepared for failure. Then I paid a small fee (the best $8 I've ever spent) and discovered that I passed! All that emotional anguish for nothing! All those tears and acid reflux and eating my feelings for nothing! I'm currently in the possession of my official LPN license and can now start looking for a job. You know, guys, it feels strange. It took me 2 1/2 years, from the start of this journey to the end, and I can honestly say I feel a little...I don't know, lost, for lack of a better word. I'm finally here and I thought I would feel different or it would feel different and it doesn't and I don't....does any of that even make any sense?!

Hans bought Gavin a bunch of classic books adapted for children. We're currently reading Call of the Wild, which I have never read. That shit is depressing. Gavin seems to think it's great, but I think it has more to do with the fact that it's told from the perspective of the dog and involves "adventure" than from what actually occurs in the story. He wants to read White Fang next, another book I haven't read, so I'm really hoping it's a little less depressing than this one!

It's thundering and lightning like crazy here. Summer storms in Logan....one of the lovely things about living here.

I'd like to start a new segment to my blog entitled "Funny stuff my kid says"! Today's installment involves a little backstory. I am addicted to chai tea lattes from the Starbucks. I have to force myself to only get the grande and to only go once a day. It's a terrible addiction. Due to my penchant for iced chais during the summer months, Gavin is well acquainted with the Starbucks (he will get himself either a vanilla bean smoothie, but his new favorite drink is the double chocolatey-chip smoothie). The other day Christopher bought a little coffee maker that allows you to only make one cup of coffee at a time and involves a small filter, a couple spoonfuls of coffee grounds and hot water from the kettle. So the other day Gavin was commenting about how he likes the smell of coffee...the premiere submission into "Funny stuff my kid says":

Him: Ahhhhhhh. The sweet smell of coffee in the morning. It reminds me of Starbucks. And I am awful fond of Starbucks!

I know. What kid uses the phrases "awful fond"?! I don't know where he gets it, but it's awesome!

My husband has just wandered out the the living room wondering where I am, so I think I'm going to to escape to the bedroom and have an actual grown-up conversation....no, that's not a euphemism....I really do mean a grow-up conversation....I've been a stay-at-home mom with Gavin and the girls for the past week, and I have to say, I don't know how you do it, Annette!!

I hope you're all doing well and take a minute to eat a snow cone...and no, that's not a euphemism either!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Your dad is gorgeous. Thanks, I know!

I'm convinced that as I get older, my dreams are getting weirder. I thought the weirdest one was the one where I was being chased by zombies through a high school library and the zombie turned out to be Tom Cruise, but last night's dream has topped it. I dreamt that I was married to my husband, Chris, but it wasn't Chris, it was Ewan McGregor, and we had gone on a holiday somewhere to this little bed and breakfast and while we were there we got all muddy and got mud all over the carpet and had to spend hours cleaning it up. Then in dream fashion, I wasn't muddy anymore and someone was knocking on the door to my room. So I go to answer the door and it's Tom Skerritt....for those of you who don't know who Tom Skerritt is, here is a reference pic....

Admit it, he is a little dreamy....anyway, so Tom Skerritt shows up because evidently Tom Skerritt and dream me used to be an item and he's come to interrupt my romantic mini-break holiday with my husband who is not Ewan McGregor but is Ewan McGregor to win back my affections. Dream me was pretty angry about the whole thing. The best part was when Tom Skerritt said to me, in an effort to make me love him again...."I heart (something I can't remember), but I heart heart you"! See what I mean, they just keep getting stranger and stranger!

I'm feeling a real lack of motivation to do anything today, which is a bad thing considering I have an NCLEX to study for and a storage room to clean out and bread and dishwashing detergent to go and buy. Please give me some motivation....anyone, anyone!

I took the kids to see Harry Potter on Sunday. I thought they ended it quite nicely. I was never a fan of the way J.K. Rowlings ended it in the book...that dumb flash forward scene with grown-up Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny, but even that didn't annoy me. I was a little underwhelmed by the fight seen between Mrs. Weasley and Bellatrix, I was hoping that it wouldn't follow the book and would be this epic girlfight, but alas, it wasn't and I was left wanting. Sigh. I would recommend going to see it, if you haven't already.

Briskey--I'm glad that you're back....I was starting to worry that something had happened to you, but you were just in the backwoods...phew! And YES you knew that Maryanne and Jeb got married....they've been married for like 4 years!!

Friday, July 15, 2011

If life were a multiple choice test, always pick C!

After some confusion concerning my transcripts and the fine people at DOPL, I am now scheduled to take my NCLEX...it's the test that allows me to become a licensed PN. It's all very involved. I have to go to a specific testing center. I have to have my authorization to test letter along with my ID or I will not be allowed to take the test. I am not allowed to wear jackets, watches, jewelry of any kind, chew gum, or use chapstick while in the testing room....I must admit I'm a little anxious about the no gum, no chapstick....I'm kind of addicted to both and the idea of going without them makes me a little uncomfortable! The test can take up to 5 hours to complete and it can take up to a week to get the results back. And if you don't pass it, you have to re-register and pay the $200 testing fee again (I thought $200 was a ridiculous amount of money, but then my dental hygienist was saying that she had to take one test that cost her $1500 to get her license and I didn't feel so bad about the $200!!). I did pretty well on the practice NCLEX we took in school, but it's been over a month since I've thought about nursey stuff and I feel very "rusty"! Thankfully I have a couple of weeks to study before the test, so hopefully that will help and I can get my brain back into patient care mode and I won't have a problem! I AM going to have to find a way to smuggle in my Wax Baby Jesus, who is my good luck charm...he's too pokey to put in my shoe or down my pants...besides, there does seem something slightly sacrilegious about sticking a small religious icon down your pants!

Once a week, the kid and I go over to my mom's for "Date Night." She DVRs all the terrible shows we like to watch (Bridezillas, anyone?!) and then we spend all evening watching shows and eating dinner and talking about nothing in particular (which, in my opinion, is sometimes the best conversation you can have!). In the doorframe to the laundry room, are measurements of how tall the kid is for the last few years. His favorite thing is to run over and see if he's grown any since the last time we measured him. Well, last night, it turns out he had....he'd grown an inch in a month!! I guess that explains why all his pants seem to be too short now! I DO NOT like that he's getting older. It makes me feel like we're fast approaching that expiration date where he starts to think I'm lame and doesn't want to hug me anymore. I understand now why some ladies continue having babies because they always want the snuggle-cuddle stage.

It is Christopher and my's 9-month anniversary today! That's crazy!

Christopher and I are proud members of the NetFlix family and just got Season 3 of True Blood in our queue....we've watched the first disc and It. Is. AWESOME! They've just introduced the werewolves into the storyline and I'm patiently waiting for Alcide to make his appearance.....mmmmmm.....Alcide!

Floodikins--Indeed we do need to talk and catch up!! I have no idea what's going on with you!! How are Summer and the babies?!

Kevin--I hope Denver is treating you well and you've had some success with the job hunt...

Good Morning Lisa--I was literally thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were!! I am not dead, thankfully, and I think of you every time I pass your parent's house in the canyon!

Ann-ette--I agree with you...sometimes I look at the kid and think that he's still the most spectacular thing to me...and that I made him and carried him and raised him and he's for the most part a normal and smart kid! It's all rather surreal, isn't it?!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Holiday. Celebrate. I live in my sister's basement.

It's the first day of July. Where did June go? I suppose summer loses some of it's magic when you become a grown-up and summer vacation ceases to exist, but I still marvel at how quickly time passes. It makes me feel old and I don't like feeling old.

I'm officially IV certified, so if anyone needs some maintenance fluid or IV piggy back antibiotics, don't hesitate to call. I successfully got both my sticks on the first try without any "fishing." I was very pleased....and so was Alivia....nobody wants to be a human pin cushion!

We have big plans for this holiday weekend! BBQs and trips to Bear Lake and water balloon fights. I will not be participating in the aforementioned water balloon fight, as I don't like wet underpants, but I'll fully endorse my children spraying their father with the hose!

Have a safe and fun Fourth of July Holiday everybody!! And just remember: "These Colors Don't Run"!!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Just a little poke...

I'm doing IV therapy this week. After just four days I will be proficient in the art of starting IVs, calculating IV medications (which are, hands down, one of my most favorite things to do in the world....gtts/min and solving for x make me happy), and removing blood for testing. This is all very exciting. Except the fact that I've never actually put an IV in before, let alone gone anywhere near a human being with a needle. So before they let us "stick" our partner, we have to practice on mannequin arms (see above picture), complete with fake blood, that squirts back at you if you don't put the T-tube in fast enough! I performed my first successful angio-cath on a very accommodating mannequin arm today and am feeling a little more confident with my skills. My partner, Alivia, may not like me too much tomorrow, but I'm going to focus on not making her look like she's a IV drug abusing transient.

On a happier note, I haven't officially welcomed Baby Avery to the world yet.....so.....Welcome Baby Avery!! Yeah. That was anticlimactic. When you come to visit Auntie Amanda in a few years, I'll teach you some valuable lessons about not going to sleep with wet hair or wet fingernails and also how to avoid romantically pining after a gay man for 3 years....very valuable lessons indeed.

On a sadder note, I'm sorry about the job, Briskey. Keep your head up. Just keep swimming. Like a kitten in a tree, hang in there. You can always move back here and live in my basement. But you'll have to earn your keep by waking me up every morning by screaming "Fat ass, Fat ass" and then pantomiming Maggi smoking. The pay is excellent and I'll see if I can get you dental.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

IIIIIIIIIIIII'mmmmmm Baaaaaaaack!

Hello, my dear friends, it has been ever so long since I've been here with you. I apologize for my long absence. I have been very busy these last few months, allow me to elaborate....

1. I applied for the LPN program
2. I met an unbelievably cool man
3. I got accepted into the LPN program
4. I married that unbelievably cool man
5. My entire life became homework, clinicals, tests, homework, studying, and more homework

But now, dear friends, I finished my last final (Care of the Family, if you'd like to know) this morning at 10:30am and, with the exception of a few odds and ends to finish up (exit interview, field trip to the burn unit at the U of U hospital), I am officially finished with my LPN program and will graduate next Thursday night. Do you know what this means?! No homework! AND I can share my insanely boring life with you all on a regular basis...aren't you excited? You should be!!

A few things:

1. Briskey--Ashley needs to stop kissing all of those men. As a healthcare provider, she's increasing her risk for contracting infectious mononucleosis or herpes simplex virus 1! A little self control never hurt anyone, Ms. Bachelorette, play a little hard to get, geez...

2. Ann-ette--I'm hoping that option 1 is the suggestion I made for you the other day....awww yeeeaaahhh....

3. Lil--Your baby makes my uterus hurt. His 'No Look' is so unbearably cute, it almost melts my icy cold heart...almost...

4. Kevin--I'm glad that you're moving onward and upward...I'm sorry you didn't get the position, but as cliched as it sounds, everything happens for a reason and something fantastic is coming your way, I can just tell. Also, can I come to the Mile High city to visit and buy you some chocolate munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts?!

Ok. Well. I'm going to go. My brain is a little fried post-finals and I'm in need of reruns on Bravo! Peace out!