Saturday, March 17, 2012

A week in review

I had a patient give me some homemade sauerkraut. I haven't tried it yet, as I have a mild aversion to things made in kitchens I haven't personally seen, but I thought it was a very sweet gesture concerning an off-hand comment about German food.

I had my first encounter with having to dismiss a drug-seeking patient. After being given several stories about the need for medication refills, I ended up having to call the patient and tell them we could no longer treat them for issues that involved narcotics. The patient then told me they wouldn't be back. The moral of this story is that the staff in medical offices are not dumb and your excuse that you left your medications in St. George or your medication was burned up in a house fire that ONLY affected the cabinet you keep your medications in, we're going to know.

I thought a patient had a spontaneous pneumothorax and got really excited. Turns out it was just some costochondritis. I was seriously bummed out....would it be too much to ask for a collapsed lung or a festering wound on occasion?!

There is some legislation here in Utah that would make sex education in the schools abstinence-only. HB363 would allow schools to decide not to have any sex education and the schools that choose to have sex ed could then choose not to teach about contraception beyond abstinence. I think it's extremely short-sighted and a lot of other people have agreed, so last week there was a protest at the Capitol, asking Governor Herbert to veto the bill. Hans and her friend Andrea went to the protest and made a sign. Their sign said: STDs Don't Wait For Marriage. They sign made it on TV, which was Hans' whole goal. Thankfully, the bill was vetoed and hopefully our legislators will start to realize the best thing we can do for our kids is to give them a full and complete education when it comes to their bodies and the best way to protect themselves. I've never heard of anyone having sex because of something they heard in health, something they've seen on Melrose Place, that's a different story!

Continuing in sister news, Krista is now living in San Francisco and as she was on her way to work this week, she witnessed a gentleman throw himself off a high-rise apartment building and end his life in a bloody and terrible way. She said it was surreal and the body didn't look like a "real" body. Here's what's worse. This isn't the first time she's seen somebody kill themselves by jumping from a great height. That's right, my poor sister, has been unlucky enough to see it twice! I told her she needed to find a shaman and get her aura cleansed or something, because that is some terrible luck!!

Ann-ette: Does Mike clean out your ears using a water pik or does he use some diluted liquid stool softener and a plastic wand with a loop on the end?

Saturday, March 10, 2012


Gavin has a friend at school who likes to pretend to be a cat. He has consequently given her the nickname "Kittens," which the entire class has adopted. The other day his teacher alerted the class that Kittens had fallen out of a tree and broken her collarbone and they would be making her get-well cards. Gavin described his get-well card as follows: On the front there was a picture of a tree with a frowny face and a picture of a cat, laying on its back with its little paws in the air, also wearing a frowny face, and the words "Me-Ouch" on the top of the card. On the inside of the card he had written "I guess cats don't always land on their feet."

The Boys have gone off on a boy adventure to the Harley Davidson shop and then to get chicken wings. They invited me to come with them, but I think secretly they were hoping I'd say no. I did say no, as there is now no one else in the house and I'm sitting at the table drinking a cup of chai in absolute and complete blissful quiet.

I was recently informed a few days ago that Gavin would need to put a presentation together for his school's History Fair next month. Yes. That's right. Another presentation. I rallied hard for The Bubonic Plague, but he refused to even consider it and is doing a presentation instead on The Crusades. How he doesn't want to do a report on the Black Death is beyond's The BLACK DEATH, what's cooler than that?!!

I'm also watching ANTM British Invasion!! It's too early to tell what I think, but I feel like I might be breaking up with it after this season, as the girls are all starting to look like girls from previous seasons and I'm getting tired of the caricature of the Plus-Sized sassy black girl, the Country Bumpkin, the Fierce Latina, the white girl from the trailer park who is mean to everyone because she's's starting to get old. But I probably won't, because I've watched every cycle since the first one and Tyra and Nigel and Makeovers always pull me back in!

And Ann-ette, you MUST get on Good Reads, it's like Reading Rainbow, but for grown-ups! We can be friends and talk about books. I know I'd be a poor man's LeVar Burton, but I promise I'll end every conversation with "But don't take My word for it....."

Saturday, March 3, 2012

I do NOT nurse flirt!

I will often harass Christopher about the fact that he has 900 gazillion friends and can't go out in public without talking to strangers. (For example, he made friends with another Dad in the Kohl's today, as they were both waiting for their teenage daughters to finish trying on clothes!!) He has now started to tease me back about the fact that I "nurse flirt" while I'm at work. I don't "flirt" I tell him. I'm "friendly." I have to be friendly, especially since there is a very real possibility that in 10 minutes I'm going to have to give that patient a shot in their ass or ask them about their menstrual cycles!

Gavin has to do a presentation for school about any topic that interests him. He originally wanted to do his presentation on the Norwegian Resistance during WWII, but after some initial research we found the topic to be too broad for a 15 minutes PowerPoint presentation and have settled for a Plan B of Chuck Yeager. I have decided that these kinds of assignments end up being done by the parents and not actually the child, and think next time I'm going to make him do a project on something that interests ME, since I'm the one that's going to end up doing it anyway!

I spent the evening making invitations for Jessie's birthday party at the end of the month. Glitter was involved. Beautiful, beautiful sparkly glitter!

Momma Rock recently found, and returned to me, my cotton candy machine. That's right. I have a cotton candy machine. Beat THAT, Ann-ette. Your Coke with Quik is nothing compared to my cavity fluff! And I dislike Giselle on principal just simply based on the fact that she's Mom-bragging AND Mom-shaming all of the other moms who don't have the nanny and personal chef to help them, because I'm pretty sure if we all had Giselle's resources, all of our kids would think broccoli was candy too! But then, you have to ask yourself, "Do you really want a kid who is that weird?" and we all know the answer is a resounding "No." So if eating an occasional sweet keeps my kid from becoming the kid who wears capes to school or pretends to be a pony, then I'll happily buy him that bag of M&Ms and not feel the least bit bad about it. So suck on THAT, Giselle!