Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Four More...

First--Annette, I REALLY hope that Alien Fetus Baby has made an appearance and that is the reason why you're incommunicado and NOT because you've had some sort of pre-birth psychotic break and you're lying in a darkened room listening to The Smiths and eating Totino's Pizzas.

Second--Congratulations, Lillith!!! I'm so happy for you! I'm always happy to welcome another poor sap into the motherhood club. You poor have no idea what you've gotten yourself into...and willingly!! Also, I don't think you should name them Edward or Bella. I think you must embrace the Mormon tradition so beautifully captured in Breaking Dawn and combine the names of your loved ones to come up with new "names"....for example, you could combine Bear with Kevin and name your son Bearvin or combine Annette and me for Amatte....just think of the beautiful possibilities, Lillith!!

Third--I downloaded Pink's Funhouse album off iTunes. Bad. I. Dea. About halfway through a listen I had to fast forward to the next playlist on my iPod to avoid sobbing. Definitely the wrong head space.

Fourth--the other day I was asking Gavin to get me things (it's one of the perks of having a kid who's old enough to understand instructions...just wait Lillith and Annette...bliss), well I guess I had asked him to do too many things for me because he looked at me and said, "Mom. I will NOT do your bidding." I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. He's just so unbearably funny!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

....and 4

4. Of course I will still love you and be your friend, Briskey! It's going to take a lot more than a fight about a Scottish woman's eyebrows to tear you and me apart! And just for the record, I never said that the whole thing with Susan Boyle wasn't overrated...and Sister, how can you NOT know who Susan Boyle is?!! You have the capabilities to watch YouTube on your iTouch for pete's sake!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

1, 2, 3

Just a few things:

1. Lillith, my suggestion for the Austen book to start with is Persuasion. It's just such a beautiful story, it's a pretty easy read (sometimes Austen stories can seem a bit long-winded) and then when you get finished with it watch the BBC version with Amanda Root and Ciaran, love, love it!

2. I'm creeped out by the Quizno commercial. You know the one with the oven talking like HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey. It creeps me out that he tells the Quizno Sandwich Guy to "put it in me." Heebs. Heebs. And Heebs.

3. The Drowsy Chaperone is performing in the theatre tonight and tomorrow. I met their company director at dinner tonight and it turns out that he's friends with Brooklynn Pulver, who will forever be Brooke or Tank Top Girl. It was a further example that the world of theatre is a very small place.

Friday, April 17, 2009

In defense of Susan Boyle

Allow me to share my views on Susan Boyle. Here we go.

Ms. Boyle, or "man brows" as Briskey has so lovingly nicknamed her, was probably a shy and socially awkward girl. She was probably the D.U.F.F. in her group of friends, and while her friends were meeting boys, going on dates and getting married, she was at home, with her cat, singing in the church choir and caring for her ailing mother. She's probably never had a man tell her she's beautiful. She probably doesn't know what if feels like to not be rejected. Until now.

Sure. Her voice may not be the greatest and when her 15 minutes are up, she'll probably go back to her cat and singing in the church choir, but for this one shining moment in her life she finally knows what it feels like to not be laughed at or made fun of, and who would begrudge someone that feeling?

So, you'll have to excuse me, friends, if I find a little joy in Ms. Boyle and the fact that this dowdy, middle-aged Scottish woman's dreams are coming true.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Snow, Slayer, Stress & Sad

So, when I said I'd like it to rain enough that I could wear my galoshes, I didn't mean for it to rain for 24+ hours and then morph into snow. This is NOT Spring appropriate.

The Walk/Don't Walk sign on 4th North & 2nd East that I pass everyday walking to and from work, the Don't Walk Hand's middle finger is burned out. I secretly wish everyday that the ring finger and the thumb will burn out too and then it'll make Slaaaaaaaayeeeerrrrrrr. That would bring a little joy to my heart.

I think stress is making me old. I have some pretty hardcore wrinkles forming on my forehead. I'm convinced that it's stress. Although, now that I mention it, it could be because EVERY expression I have is some how tied to my forehead and the wrinkles might be a reaction to that. Ok. That's it. No more expressions. It'll be like Botox-free paralysis. That reminds me of an episode of Coupling (the British version, not the lame American one) where the red-haired character talks about how she's getting older and as a result she's saving expressions for the men she actually finds attractive, no wasting the good stuff on the duds.

There was an letter to the editor in the Herald Journal yesterday from a man who wanted to know why women just couldn't be upfront and honest about whether they liked the men they went on dates with instead of lying or saying they're "too busy." Evidently he went on a date with a woman and thought they had connected and had a great time and then she wouldn't return his calls or texts and when he ran into her, she said she had been busy and when he pushed the issue she said "we're through" and he felt like she owed him an explanation for why she wasn't into him. I mean, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a little pathetic in the love department, even more so recently, but I would never write a letter to the editor about it. Even I'm not that sad! Maybe the fact that he was willing to embrace the crazy and write a letter to the editor should be his first clue that maybe he's a little intense and most girls don't like to hook it up with the crazy!!

And Kevin, for the record, I always enjoyed hearing your stories. If I could vote for the nickname based on that alone it would be Papa AWE-SOME!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head...

It's been raining pretty steadily since 1am this morning. Huzzah I say! I was finally able to wear my recently procured rain galoshes. I'd been wanting a pair of "wellingtons" for a while and bought myself a pair at the Target about a month ago, but the weather hadn't been rainy enough to necessitate them. Well. Today was definitely rainy enough and I wore them when I walked to work this morning. It was kinda awesome. Now all I need is a bright pink plastic raincoat and I'll be all set.

I watched a little Golden Girls last night. I'd forgotten how funny the episodes are. I aspire to be Sophia, but I'm pretty sure I'll be Dorothy....Bea Arthur here I come!

Kevin--Dr. Kevo?!

And Annette, what if I wanted to be my OWN Cool Rider? What if I came to the service station where you work, under the guise of needing gas, and offered to give you a ride, while people were honking and asking you for maps...would you fully support the motorbike riding then? What would they say if they knew is was Amanda?

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Is there such a thing as a Peeps hangover...'cause I think I might have one

Those little plastic Easter eggs have infiltrated my house. Hans played Easter Bunny this year and to say she went a little overboard would be an understatement. I'm sure it's gonna take the kid a few weeks to get through all the candy!

Gavin starts outdoor soccer tomorrow with his first practice. I'm not exactly sure how they convince a group of six years old to stay focused enough for practice or how they're going to convince Mother Nature to cooperate, although, I must say, today was lovely...but I have the sinking suspicion that it's going to get cold again and then all of a sudden it will be 900 degrees...ahhhh, the transition from Spring to Summer in Cache Valley!

And Kevin, thanks for taking the wind out of my motorbike sails! Granted, there is the distinct possibility that I'll go to take my first class, have a minor panic attack, lay the bike down and then decide maybe motorbikes aren't for me after all...but a girl's gotta try, right?!

I've been thinking lately and I've decided I don't think I want to have another relationship of a romantic nature again. I don't think this little heart of mine could handle another break-up and I don't think I could ever knowingly inflict this kind of soul-crushing pain on another person. Hans said that some relationships just end, mutually and amicably, but who wants to risk it? No. I think I'm going to happily put on my Spinster hat and wear it with pride.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Apathy-Switch Engaged

Annette, I can't possibly guess the arrival of Alien Fetus Baby without knowing a few things first...ahem....whether or not you have a family history of early/late babies, whether AFB has dropped, and whether or not you're conferring with a Shaman/Voodoo Priestess in an attempt to get the kid out already.

Along those lines, I read an article about how parents have little to no influence on their children. That whether or not your kid turns out "okay" is based on peers and genetics. I'm not so sure I believe this. The parent/child dynamic is incredibly complex and although I don't think parents should blame themselves for the stupid decisions their kids make--I really do think experience and mistakes are the only way people learn, the only hope is that the mistakes aren't something they can't recover from--I do think parents can and do affect the way their children view the world and behave in it.

I've added another thing to my bucket list. I want to learn to ride a motorcycle and take an adventure...a la Easy Rider...only without the drugs and the rednecks and the getting beat to more like a Doris Day movie with motorbikes. There's a company in Salt Lake that teaches you to ride--they provide the bikes and gear and you just show up and learn how to not die. I'm going to have to wait a little bit to do it (other priorities to tend to right now), but I've put it on my radar and it's a goal I've made for myself.

Lillith, I'm glad that you've joined the Twilight's a happy place to be! I just finished Eclipse and will be starting on Twilight again (I lent my only copy of Breaking Dawn to my sister in law, although, to be honest, I only read the wedding/honeymoon section as the rest of the book makes my heart sad inside). I follow this pattern of finishing the books and then starting the series again and again. It's a lovely relaxation for my brain before I go to sleep and it brings a little joy to my life.

I've let the battery die on my cellphone. I find its silence to be cruel.

And Briskey, I read your Gay Truth Booth today. Mr. Watermelons sounds not very nice and I KNOW for a fact that you deserve better than being ignored...there's no way you'd allow this kind of behavior if I was the one enamored with Mr. fact, now that I think about it, he's a little too reminiscent of Cupcake Head for me, and you don't want to hitch your wagon to that falling star do you?! And I'm going to pretend the whole "unknown number" wasn't inspired by me!!

I shall leave you with one of the best lines of lyrical genius ever sung: "....'Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin" Thank you, Lady GaGa. Thank you.