Monday, December 22, 2008

My mother is convinced we're cursed. Anybody know a good Shaman?

Well, readers, it was an interesting weekend.

It began by me coming home from work Friday night to find the snow blower leaking the entire contents of its gas tank on my garage floor, followed by the entire house filling with gasoline fumes, followed by my mother calling the non-emergency fire department, followed by them coming to the house and telling us there was nothing they could do and then pouring some wood shaving thingies on the gasoline and then sweeping it up (it reminded me of elementary school when kids would puke in the cafeteria and Mr. Sheely, the custodian, would pour some saw dust on it and sweep it up--I was intrigued that the fire department didn't have something slightly more advanced, but I suppose if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?!), followed by us sleeping with the windows open in the middle of a Logan snowstorm, followed by the house continuing to smell like a mechanic until my mother poured a bottle of Simply Green all over it and now instead of smelling like gasoline, the garage smells like a McDonald's bathroom. I suppose that is slightly better on the smells scale.

Then yesterday Gavin woke up with a fever and he was very lethargic, I thought he might have an ear ache, so I took him to InstaCare to get him checked out. Turns out his ears looked good, but his throat was a little red, so they swabbed him to test for strep throat. As soon as the nurse was finished sticking the over-sized Q-Tips down his throat, he turned to me and said, "I think I'm going to throw-up" and then proceeded to puke the contents of his stomach (two eggo waffles, syrup and a juice box) onto the floor of the exam room. The nurse felt so bad about gagging him that she gave him two dinosaur stickers and a dog-show sticker game. He just wanted to go home and have a Jones soda.

Hans and I did major Christmas grocery shopping yesterday and when we got home we wondered where we were going to put it all, I ended up leaving her to put the groceries away while I took Gavin to the doctor (see above paragraph). Well, when I went to get an apple for Sprinkles dinner, the refrigerator smelled of pickles and that's when I saw it--an electric green puddle at the bottom of the fridge--and using my keen sense of smell and observation discovered that our Christmas Ham had knocked over a bottle of pickles and the juice had spilled out and leaked down the different shelves of the fridge. I hate pickles. I hate the smell of pickles. I hate the idea of having to touch pickle juice, so I made my mom clean it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I know. I'm a horrible daughter. But they were HER pickles and HER dumb Christmas Ham. And I hate pickles!!

It's snowing sideways here. I wonder how much a plane ticket to Puerto Rico would be...

Friday, December 19, 2008

Get your legislation off my womb, assholes.

Annette--get your guest room ready; I'm moving to Canada.

Our awesome president, who only holds office for a few more weeks, has done something truly awesome (note sarcasm) and fucked up the reproductive rights of the women of the US and there's nothing, save an act of Congress, can be done to stop it. Evidently, our awesome president, feels it's his god-given right to protect the babies--even babies who haven't been conceived yet--and has passed his Health Care Provider "Conscience" Law, which would allow any doctor or pharmacist, who was morally opposed to birth control, to refuse to prescribe or dispense it and they could not be prosecuted or fired for it. In essence, that mental giant in the White House has control of my uterus and I want it the fuck back. I don't understand why the Christian Conservative Right feel it's their job to dictate what I can and can't do with my body....MY body. It's already bad enough that there's no proper sex ed. in our schools and that they can teach Creationism in Science classes, but this is infuriating. Bush has successfully started a war he can't stop, sat back while the economy has become increasingly worse and has essentially tarnished what little reputation the US had for being a fair and articulate place, but what's REALLY important, is making sure women can't be in control of their bodies and their choices for their lives and the lives of their families. IF YOU CAN'T BE A DOCTOR OR PHARMACIST WHO SUPPORTS THEIR PATIENT'S RIGHTS TO BE IN CHARGE OF THEIR OWN BODIES THEN DON'T BE A DOCTOR OR PHARMACIST, it's as simple as that! Bah! It makes me want to barf and punch shit!

Gee are you Mac-ers persistent! Scott's been trying to talk me into getting a Mac since we first started dating...I told him I would only buy one if they sold Macs that were bright pink with sparkles and pictures of unicorns and rainbows. Now I'd settle for a computer that won't eat my important things.

It's snowing sideways here. I hate snow. Give me bitter freezing cold any day, but snow makes me want to cry in the women's toilet.

I've finished most of my Christmas shopping. Just have stockings to buy now--Mugs, magazines, pretty underpants and oranges equals Christmas at the Rockne's!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I.E. can suck it....

It appears that my home computer has had a run-in with the infamous "glitch" with Internet Explorer. The virus has completely eliminated all of the execution commands, leaving the computer unable to even start. Thanks for the heads-up Microsoft that your program might allow for the complete annihilation of my computer. Hopefully Daniel, our computer guy can fix it. Otherwise I will have lost pictures of the kid's first day at school, this Halloween and my trip to Italy/Prague. And this will not make me happy.

My mother bought 2 more tins of those damn Dansk butter cookies. One for me and one for the kid. Evidently, the addiction is genetic and I've passed it on to Gavin! Hey, Kevin, wanna come over and share a tin and some spiked hot chocolate?!

Last night we had our staff Christmas party. Stephen's son Benjamin was my date. He's 7 months and it was a joy to go out with a guy who didn't talk non-stop about himself and wasn't expecting me to put out at the end of the date!

I'm curious if dumb people know that they're dumb.

Briskey, I'm sorry about the text break-up. That guy's like school on Saturday--no class.

I've decided that there is nothing better than the feeling of washing your face and brushing your teeth and taking out your contacts and sliding into bed with a book at the end of the day. It's even better when there is an electric blanket to make you feel like a baked potato.

Top Chef is on tonight. I'm very excited--Chef Tom is going to read them the riot-act about their sub-par performances so far...I sense some chefs crying in the womens toilet. Hans and I have decided that although Padma is a pretty lady, we think Gail is prettier.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Dear 8 lbs 6 oz sweet infant Jesus...

Sometimes I wish I would just shut up. I don't know what it is about me--it's like my brain goes on pause while my mouth keeps moving...well, more like my brain goes on pause and my fingers keep typing. I get word vomit and then after I realize what I've said/typed I get really embarrassed and can't believe I did it yet again! I'm thinking of giving up communication of any kind full-stop.

I just got off the phone with my dearest childhood friend. She's a deaf education teacher and is married to a Swahili Tribesman she met while she was volunteering & building a deaf school in Kenya. Yeah. I know. Makes ya feel a little lame, huh?

While Hans was visiting last weekend she bought some of those Dansk Danish butter cookies....I love, love, love them. I'm trying VERY hard not to eat the entire tin by myself. It's a battle. It's a battle I think I'm going to lose. Help me, friends. Help me.

I'm kinda over all the jewelry/diamond commercials that seem to be everywhere on the tv. Here's a thought. Why don't you buy your significant other something that didn't cost a little African boy his arms or annihilate an entire village overnight. Just a thought.

Ok. I gotta go. Talladega Nights is on and I'm missing it, but more importantly, it's been at least 3 minutes since I ate a butter cookie....I gotta go....why they gotta be so good....ya crazy dutch bastards....

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A day of "Firsts"

Gavin is officially 6. Ok. Technically he's 6 & one day, but who's counting...certainly, not me, I didn't want him to turn 6, because by all accounts, the kid's gonna be cute for 2 more years and then he's going to start to hate me and get a smart mouth...he's already slightly verbally aware when it comes to statements, so I'm a little afraid to see what the future holds...

We decorated our Christmas tree yesterday. Mainly all of our decorations consist of hand-me-downs from my maternal grandparents or ornaments we've had since the dawn of time...but I like may look ghetto to the outside world, but my tree is filled with memories and ornaments I made when I was a kid or the disco ball mirror donut or the ornament my sister got off the back of a Giggles cookie box when she was 6....there isn't an ornament on that tree that doesn't have a story and really, isn't that the point of Christmas?

Gavin had his first cavity filled today. Now, before you all think I'm a horrible mother and that my kid is going to have a mouth full of those creepy metal teeth, we caught it very early and the dentist was able to take care of it without having to numb him or even really having to drill, see, no need to call DCFS. It was also his first introduction to Nitrous Oxide! Our dental assistant was lovely and explained everything that was going to happen without scaring him and then put the little "snout" over his nose. He told me it smelled funny, but I told him to keep breathing. Within 30 seconds, he was laughing and within 2 minutes he started yelling, "I can't even hear myself. Hello? Hello? Myself? Hello? Heeeeeellllllloooooooo? Me?" He spent most of the visit saying this and then telling our dental assistant, whose name was Cat, that it was lucky that there weren't any dogs around because dogs chase cats. I laughed until I cried. At least I know what kind of a drunk the kid is gonna be!

Gavin also had his first Holiday Concert tonight. Each of the different grades at school sang a couple of songs. It was the longest hour of my life, but Gavin was a star. He didn't cry and he wasn't scared. I was really proud of him. Getting up in front of a lot of strangers can be really intimidating, but he didn't let that stop him. He sang We Wish You a Merry Christmas like a professional. As such, I will be crushing that and any other inclination he might have to pursue the stage. Maybe he'll be a dentist.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Bah Hum-Tag

For all those folks who use those net Christmas lights to decorate their homes, um, folks, EVERYBODY knows that they're the net Christmas're not foolin' anybody. Stop being lazy and do it properly.

Speaking of that, we're putting up the Christmas tree this weekend. I don't particularly like Christmas. As I've gotten older the joy has slowly been sucked out of it for me, but since I've got the kid, I try and not be too Bah Humbug about things. He's only receiving one present and a stocking from me for Christmas. The present cost me a pretty penny, so I thought anything else would be excessive. I'm trying to raise him to not be obsessed with material things and to be thankful for everything that he has. I say "no" to him a lot....his grandparents and Hans, however, are a different story all together....

I've been tagged! Briskey tagged me. Chrislynn tagged him before that and it kinda made his day. So here are my answers to the collection of 7 questions....

Seven Things I Can Do:
1. Sew a costume, hem a pair of pants with a locking hem stitch and sew on a button the Woodger Way
2. Make the kid laugh
3. Make a mean bowl of buttered noodles.
4. Choreograph dances for adults dressed as pumpkins or 80s Jazzercise participants
5. Type while having a conversation
6. Sell a ticket
7. Braid my own hair

Seven Things I Can't Do:
1. Bat left-handed
2. Cook instant rice...everybody has a food archnemesis...rice is mine
3. Watch the original Star Wars films without falling asleep
4. Make it out of Ikea without spending too much money
5. Understand computers...not even a little bit
6. Walk home from work without almost getting hit by a car
7. Understand the appeal of Paris Hilton

Seven Things That Attracted Me to Scott:
1. He's a man, not a little boy
2. He makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the room, even when I know I'm not
3. He's manly and can fix things
4. He's unbelievably smart
5. He's funny...he makes me laugh all the time
6. He's respectful
7. He's a good person

Seven Things I Say Often:
1. "I know, right?!"
2. "Why is everything so dumb"
3. "You're killin' me, kid"
4. "Sweet baby Jesus in heaven"
5. Any variation of douchebag...douchiness, douchebaggery, etc.
6. "I will punch you in your face"
7. "Please don't make me count"

People I Admire:
1. Grandma Jeanne & Grandma Joann
2. My mom
3. Hans & Sister
4. Briskey (and not just because he named me, but I really am proud of him for moving to New York and kicking its ass)
5. Keri
6. Michelle Obama
7. All the single moms who are trying to make better lives for themselves & their babies.

Seven Favorite Foods:
1. Cold Cereal
2. Butter Chicken from the SuperStore in Nova Scotia and Basmati Rice
3. Pad Kee Mao
4. Massaman Curry
5. Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich
6. Chai Tea
7. Cheese Pizza

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

You say I'm crazy. I got your crazy.

I'm officially 30. Ok. Technically, 30 years & 2 days. I had absolutely no problem with turning 30. I had a breakdown last year when I turned 29. I just didn't have another one in me. And although I have crow's feet and forehead wrinkles that desperately beg for botox, I don't feel 30. I feel as lame and dorky and insecure as I did when I was 14. I wonder when THAT feeling goes away?

My mom bought me a Twilight calendar for my birthday. What was I saying about being a dorky 14 year old? Oh, and FYI, Twilight is scheduled to come out on DVD sometime in February...evidently you can pre-order it already...I shall be reserving my copy under Mrs. Amanda Pattinson....

I think I may be the worst girlfriend ever. Scott sent me flowers for my birthday. Now, for as long as I can remember, I've disliked florist flowers...I'm not flowers or "borrowing" flowers from an obliging field, I'm all for it....there's just something about spending $50+ dollars on flowers that are going to die, I don't dig...anyway, I thanked him for the flowers and for the thought and then told him to not send me flowers again. I mean, who does that?! What kind of girl does that?! What kind of girlfriend craps all over her boyfriend's kind gesture?! But I thought it was better to tell him than for him to continue wasting money on flowers. Was I wrong? Should I have just let him continue sending me flowers and just thanked him sweetly? Sometimes I worry that I'm not sure what to do with a boy who is nice to me.

So I got a call at work the other day, it went something like this:

Me: Cache Valley Center for the Arts, this is Amanda.
Caller: Yes. I'd like to speak with Ich Wong.
Me: I'm sorry. There's no one by that name here.
Caller: There isn't a Mr. Wong there?
Me: No. I'm sorry.
Caller: Ok. Thank you for your time.

After I hung up I realized that I could have made an awesome "I'm sorry, you have the WONG number" joke and I missed that great opportunity. It still makes me a little sad just writing about it.

I purchased Britney's new album...I have to say, it's deliciously dancey...I like the first half better than the second half....Track #3 is turning out to be my favorite....I really hope things start to brighten up for her...I know that sounds incredibly cheesy, since I don't even know her, but she seems like a nice girl who met the wrong guy and put a few bumps on her path....I don't know...maybe I can relate a little...

I've come to the realization that being a girl can kinda suck sometimes.

I wanted to send out a con-blog-ulations to Ann-ette....I'm glad your baby is not going to earn you a spot as a documentary on the Discovery Channel....well, not yet anyway!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Moonlighting strangers, who just met on the waaaaaaay...

Dear friends, thank you for taking a moment, and joining me in mourning the loss of a good friend, Mr. iPod Left Earbud. He had been a kind and loyal companion to Amanda these past 11 months, staying with her through the Elliptical months, joining her on a harrowing attempt to get to Nova Scotia via O'Hare Airport, teaching her helpful Italian phrases she never actually used while flying to Italy and most recently, keeping her company while she walked to work. He began to fall ill in September when the "padding" portion of his Bud started to peel away from the plastic ear portion. He held on for as long as he could, but eventually succumbed to his illness. She will continue to use her iPod earbuds, as the cost to replace them is ridiculous, but the soft squishness of Mr. Left Earbud will be greatly missed. Let us pray.

I think that one of my legs might be longer than the other. I've recently noticed that my pants reach longer on my left leg...on ALL of my pants...I wonder if this is the reason Maggi used to tell me my chane turns were uneven...sigh

We're not celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, we wait and celebrate it as one big family (minus sister as she has to work) on Saturday. So we're having cheese pizza for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Anybody wanna come over?

I don't have to work tomorrow or Friday. I have every intention of watching Moonlighting on DVD and being lazy in my pajamas. Anybody wanna come over?

I love you, Briskey.

I've decided that a tambourine makes any song happier. And hand claps. I don't want to neglect hand claps in their ability to perk up a song. I've also decided that before I do anything I'm gonna count it off, a la a drummer counting off the beats to a song...

My mother was taking Gavin to see Madagascar 2 today. I'm sure my evening will be filled with "Smile & wave boys" and "I like to move it, move it."

And, Annette, THAT is an awful lot of Skim Milk...please be careful...too much skim milk+nauseous pregnant tummy=barfaroni. I am proud of you...or should I say I'm proud of the fetus, for having such a healthy craving....your Viking cape is in the mail!

Ok. I think I'm gonna go...2, 3, 4...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Broody=Sexy (Angsty=Not So Much)

I have a friend, the lovely Bree-ah-na, who was recently married this past summer, I have visited her blog and I marvel at her openness about the sheer and absolute bliss she feels concerning the love for her new husband. It makes me both want to barf and then wonder why I'm not that open....

I went and saw Twilight today. I went in with no preconceived notions concerning from book to screen, as most movies are never as good as the books (I think I've only experienced 3 times when the movie did the book justice--Masterpiece Theatre's adapations of Persuasion...awwww...Captain Wentworth and Jane Eyre...awwww....Mr. Rochester all broody and dark and Emma Thompson's adaptation of Sense & Sensibility...awwww, Colonel Brandon). I must honestly say I felt, to borrow a phrase from Annette, 'meh' about it. I felt like all the charm and joy that I loved about the book didn't translate to the screen very well. Everyone was so angsty. Even Mr. Rochester at his darkest and most broodiest found time to find the joy of love with Jane, even if that love had the potential to be short-lived (not unlike our Edward & Bella). I found all of the "humans" to actually be the most entertaining part of the film, especially Billy & Charlie--who I wasn't expecting to like, since I thought the actor chosen to play Charlie was too's amazing what a "dad" moustache will do to a man's cute quotient! I'll probably see it again. I kinda feel like I owe it to the book! On a side note: I attended the film by myself and a few moments before the movie started a boy sat next to me-- no girlfriend, no wife, no sister--just him. I smiled.

In the same vein as Twilight, I finished re-reading Breaking Dawn, and I didn't hate it (which was my initial reaction to it--I equated it to the excitement of Christmas morning and all I got was socks!). I came to the realization that Stephenie Meyer had to finish the saga that way. Breaking Dawn had to be what it's kinda like Eve eating the had to be done....some people like that it happened, others are pissed about it...

I was informed the other day that one of the little girls in Gavin's kindergarten class has her eye on him and that she intends to marry him. I believe I will be locking him in a closet. Right. About. Now. Or, better yet, would anybody happen to know of any ways to stunt a boy's social development so he's scared of girls until he's about 25? No? Nobody? Huhm. I suppose I shall have to Google.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Oh yeah, I'm a gummy bear...(this title courtesy of Gavin!)

Scott gave me an iPod Shuffle for my birthday last year (easily one of the best gifts I've ever received). As you all know, I'm not technically savvy at all....I just barely mastered burning CDs, so I've been more than a little overwhelmed at the thought of downloading songs and albumins....the thought makes me nervous for some reason. Well, I finally downloaded my first album from the apple store. It was painfully easy and I fear that I may become a downloading junkie...there's just something really satisfying about sitting around in my underpants downloading the songs I stop, Britney Spears' Circus...

I just wanted to know what is with Grey's Anatomy and all of the usual jerky men (McSteamy, Karev) all of a sudden growing hearts of gold? And I sure like that Lt. Hunt...although, his face kinda reminds me of that part in Top Secret where Nick Rivers is fighting the bad guy at the ballet and Nick squishes the bad guy's face and the bad guy's face sticks that way....also, even if Denny is a ghost and Izzie is going crazy, I'm glad he's back...I sure like that Denny...

I've been intrigued to see the last couple of days the backlash to Twilight. Geez, people, it's just a movie. And shouldn't we be happy that the teenage girls of America (and around the world) are chillin' at the movie theatre watching a vampire love story and not giving douchebag Senior boys blow jobs or beating each other up and posting it on youtube? Lets keep our eye on the prize, folks. Eye on the prize.

Scott had a pint at the oldest pub in the UK today. He also played a gig last night called Rock City. Now. If I were playing the obvious game with Annette, I'd say, "I wonder what kind of music they have at Rock City?"

Gavin story o' the day:
He was reaching really deeply into the refrigerator, and I couldn't understand what it was that he was trying to get so I asked him, "Gavin. What are you doing?" "I'm getting a Capri-Sun. What does it look like I'm doing? Pettin' a horse?!"

Thursday, November 20, 2008

To the Birthday Boy

I'd like to take a moment and tell you a story. It's the story of a young man, who, at a USU Theatre Cabaret performed "Over The Moon" from RENT. He was tall and thin and spikey-haired and his feet seemed to be too big for his body. He was baby-faced and energetic. As I sat watching him perform, I thought, "who is this kid?" His name was Brian Bahr and he went on to become one of my dearest and closest friends. Today is his birthday. So I'd like to say, Happy Birthday, Briskey! I'm sure glad that Barb Bahr birthed you. You're still tall and thin and your feet still seem too big for your body, but you make my life brighter on a daily basis and I love you. I hope this birthday is FIERCE (if you could see me, I'm smiling with my eyes)!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it...

A man was leafblowing the leaves in his yard into one gigantic pile as I was walking home from work today. As I got closer, he turned the leafblower off, so he wouldn't be blowing leaves on me as I walked by. I was struck by the gentlemanly act. Then I realized that this is how men are SUPPOSED to act and I decided that he should have offered to wash my car...

My mother bought me a Twilight book mark. In terms of addictions I believe the proper term for her would be an "enabler."

Speaking of son finds bizarre things funny. His recent "addiction" is the Beyonce Single Ladies mock music video that was on SNL this past Saturday. We've easily watched it about 15 times and he still finds it hysterical. I think it might have something to do with Justin Timberlake rubbing his bum on Beyonce, but I can't be sure...

I'm saddened that Briskey was so close (a mere 92 miles away in the SLC) and I was unable to see him. Sometimes I miss the carefree days of being able to just go....and eating free pizza whilst karaoking at the Depot.

And no, Annette, you CAN'T put your Christmas decorations up yet. At least wait until after American Thanksgiving. I walked by a house busting with Christmas lights last night. It made me feel sad for Thanksgiving. It gets forgotten on the rush to get to Christmas. Don't we owe it to Thanksgiving to give it the proper respect and eat a huge piece of pumpkin pie accompanied with entirely too much whipped topping?

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Ummm...could you please not call me ma'am?

I realized today that I'm getting old. I've kind of been aware of this fact for the last little while, but it's become increasingly evident recently. People have taken to calling me "ma'am." Now, granted, I am nearly 30 (gulp) and I am usually accompanied with my nearly 6 year old son (double gulp), but I DON'T feel like a ma'am. And I most certainly do NOT appreciate the tween at Borders asking "Is there something I can help you find, ma'am?" "Actually, NO, Miley, I don't. My eyesight is just fine, thank you very much and I'm quite capable of finding the Classics section without any help from you."

I read on the back of a M & M's package that 1 in 8 women will have breast cancer in their lifetime. This is a scary statistic. This is an especially scary statistic to me. It's just a less-than gentle reminder that women need to be our own best advocates, especially where our bodies and health are concerned. Check yourselves, ladies.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. It makes me fairly grouchy. Then I feel guilty about being so bitchtacular. I miss naps.

I'm re-reading Breaking Dawn. I figured it's been a few months and I should give it another go. I don't dislike it as much as I did upon the first reading....I didn't want to throw the book when Jacob imprinted like I did the first time I read it....still doesn't mean I like the name Reneesme...ugh...

My boyfriend just broke up a girl-fight in the ladies toilet at a pub in Newcastle, England. I guess Canadians really are peace keepers.

Friday, November 14, 2008

My work....wife?

So Keri was telling me about this article she read about having a "work spouse"--someone who knows how you like your coffee, the person you complain to about work things and the first person you talk to when you have important office gossip. Well, it occurred to both of us that we're each other's "work spouse." That's right. I'm in a same-sex office marriage. I've now taken to telling her to watch what she says to me or she'll be sleeping on the couch.

It's Friday and I fully intend on not doing anything this weekend.

I read this article about the Women of James Bond. They were arguing that James Bond films are disgustingly mysoginistic and unrealistic in what a modern woman is and does. Now. I am a feminist. I am proud of this fact. I will be a feminist until my dying breath. But. It's a movie kids. It's a movie that has ALWAYS centered on guns and men and blowing shit up. I'm wondering if maybe we can't just enjoy the fact that Mr. Bond is gonna bed some chicks and fire some guns and drink a few martinis in a dapper tuxedo without making it all about whether or not Pussy Galore has pay equality.

I've fallen in love with a blog called Cake Wrecks. They have the most horrendous pictures of professionally decorated cakes...I get such bliss from this blog. It's one of the three blogs I HAVE to visit everyday or I am very sad (Annette's and Briskey's are an interchangeable 1 & 2). I also visit everyday. It's like an online women's magazine without all of the shit that makes a girl want to slit her wrists. Hans was the one to introduce me to it and it's actually where I learned to love Obama and hate toeless ankle boots.

Wait. I'm going to have to go out this weekend to get milk. Dammit.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

29 Going on 14...

A few things of interest:

I recently procured myself the Twilight soundtrack and have now become mildly obsessed with Paramore. What's that all about? I suddenly feel 14. I have however fought the urge to buy a twilight poster/t-shirt...resist, Amanda, resist.

It's a show day today. We have the African Children's Choir in residence. It's a choir made up entirely of African children who have lost either one or both of their parents to war, genocide or HIV/AIDS and yet they're so joyful. They sing and dance and ask for seconds of mashed potatoes. It makes me feel ungrateful. They've had to overcome so much already in their little lives and here I am with a roof over my head and food in my belly and I'm complaining about my thighs touching.

Scott is currently in the UK (he's rocking Northern Ireland tonight). He's mixing sound for The Stone Gods. I would recommend them to anybody who enjoys some hard licks and rockin' riffs (I have no idea what that means, but they use those phrases to market Rock Band, so it's gotta apply to this situation). They're actually quite talented, check 'em out if you're a metal head.

Keri (my office special friend) and I helped a young man propose to his girlfriend the other night. It was all very elaborate. Keri & I watched their reflection in the big window and when she finally said yes we clapped and cheered. Then I puked. People in love gross me out.

Ya know what else grosses me out. Prop 8 passing. It's nothing more than state sanctioned civil rights violations. I actually saw an ad the Prop 8 folks had produced that had a family talking about how they didn't want their children to have to learn about homosexual marriages and "normalizing" same sex partnerships & families. As a mother, that makes me both sad and angry. Sad, because I think it's a parent's job to teach their child that the world is a big place--filled with lots of people and places and differences, but that everybody is important and deserves the same happiness. It makes me angry because MY child is going to have to inhabit the same world as these homophobic douchebags.

On a lighter note, I shall end this post with a joke from Gavin. We were walking to school yesterday and it was raining enough to require an umbrella. Gavin said to me, "Cruddy rain." To which I replied, "Hey. It could be worse. At least it's not raining cats & dogs." Without missing a beat Gavin said, "But I would know it was raining cats & dogs when I step in a poodle!"

Now, if you'll please excuse me...for some odd reason I feel the strange need to go shopping at Hot Topic and hang out at a food court...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

GS 911

My has been a while since I wrote last. I'd like to say it's because I've been so unbearably busy....that my life is SO phenomenally exciting that I couldn't possibly have the time to write...the truth is, I'm lazy. I think it's best that we get this really out into the open. That way you know what to expect from our relationship. I'm lazy AND my life is boring, so the combination of those two things makes for interesting blog keeping!

Anyway, I actually have been busy. Scott came to visit (contented sigh). It was fantastic and fun and comfortable and all those really good adjectives that invariably make events sound cheesy and lame. I decided that I like having him around...even if it means I have to make an actual dinner every night (for some odd reason he doesn't believe in eating cold cereal for dinner). I hadn't seen him for 5 months, so it was absolute bliss getting to wake up next to him every morning and he would meet me and walk me home from work. I put him on a plane yesterday morning and I kinda miss him.

What I don't miss is the pile of dirty dishes sitting in my sink. I HATE dishes!

I need to get started on Gavin's Halloween costume. He decided that he wanted to be a dalmation this year and with Halloween on Friday, I better get started or he'll be devastated (he's a little dramatic, if you don't already know).

I wanted to tell an official blog Congratulations to my dearest friend Annette and her awesome husband Mike. The possible vampire mutant baby you're carrying in your womb, Annette, is going to be one lucky kid--he's/she's going to have some kick-ass parents!

Ok. I've gotta go give the kid a bath...he smells like a puppy!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I thought that I had mono once, turns out I was just really bored.

So I learned last night that Prairie Dogs identify members of their family by "kissing" and if they don't recognize the other prairie dog's "kiss" they'll start fighting that promiscuous prairie dog until it runs away. I thought that was pretty interesting. It's amazing what you can learn from a children's book about animals that live in the dark...

Scott is here! Huzzah! After not seeing him for 5 months, it's nice to be able to be in the same room with him and kiss his face. Huzzah!

I'm not sure if I'm getting sick or if it's just a general feeling of malaise. I think what I need is a nap and a sugar cookie, not in any particular order.

I'd like to wish all my Canadian readers a very happy Canadian Thanksgiving. I'm not quite sure why you guys celebrate it so early, but don't be "sorey" about it....ha!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

I'll take "Hodge Podge" for $300, Alex

Hello,'s been a while since I've written and my last post was rather wah-wah, so I thought that I better write a new one with a more upbeat story. This past weekend I had the opportunity to have one of the best experiences of my marginally short life...I was able to visit Notre Dame University, see a game in the stadium, tailgate hard core style, and take a tour of the locker room (sans boys, le sigh) and walk out of the tunnel and onto the playing field. As lame as it sounds, I teared up a few times, realizing that I was somewhere that held a lot of significance to my family. I got to touch the Play Like a Champion Today sign! I got to see where the family box used to be! I got to watch a Notre Dame game FROM Notre Dame Stadium! And I got to do it all with my dad! It was one of the coolest things I've ever done and there aren't enough words to describe how important it was to me.

I've also started compiling a list of things I NEVER want to happen to me:
1. Being carjacked. (Not fun and I'm happy to say I could live without it happening to me)
2. Getting tasered. (I don't think I really even need to elaborate)
3. Having never ending hiccups. (I watched this mystery diagnosis show and this woman had the hiccups for 6 months and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her.)

I've also decided that I don't like kids. Let me qualify that. I absolutely love and adore MY kid. Other people's kids I could definitely do without. Gavin is currently playing indoor soccer (he played it last year and had a really wonderful time) and I dread having to go and spend an hour being poked and stared at and run into and hit with wayward balls (I know, there's a joke in there, but we're all being adults) courtesy of all the ill-behaved, ill-mannered, ill-watched children that don't belong to me. Geez, people, if your kids can't behave, stay at home, I just want to be able to watch my kid play some soccer in peace!

I've also started compiling a list of things that make me ever so slightly angry
1. John McCain and Sarah Palin
2. The economic "Bailout"
3. People who want to make same-sex marriage illegal. kinda sounds like state sanctioned discrimination to me. And correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't God/Heavenly Father want his children to be happy? I'm just sayin'....

I caught my foot on the top of a box this morning and tripped headlong into a cement ceiling support beam. I think I may be concussed.

I've also started compiling a list of things that are full of awesome
1. My kid
2. Scott and the fact that I get to see him in 6 days
3. Autumn in Cache Valley

Ok. I think I've covered everything. I'm going to take a few ibuprofen and get to bed.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I can help you at this window, sir.

I often wonder what exactly goes through a person's mind when they're calling another human being "incompetent." And after they've yelled and belittled that person, do they have a flash of guilt or remorse about it. I'm wondering about it a lot more today as it actually happened to me this afternoon. I was helping a patron with his ticket order and evidently he felt my intelligence (or lack thereof) should be brought to the attention of my colleagues and his fellow patrons in a rather loud and abrasive manner. I've learned a lot at my job. I've learned a lot about myself at my job. I've mostly learned that people are kinda jerks. I hate to admit it. I hate it even more to put it into print, but, alas, it's the truth. I've learned that no good deed goes unpunished and if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to definitely want a glass of milk and he's not going to want to pay full price for it OR like where I've put the cup. I guess this is what I get for being nice...but life kinda has a way of sucking the nice out of, that's not has a way of making you decide who you're going to be nice to and then leave the rest where they stand....I give everybody the same fair start...haven't they heard the saying "You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar"?!!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Five days sooner...

So, I was watching America's Next Top Super Secret CIA Tippity-Top Top Model Search of America the other night and witnessed something that both disturbed and angered me. No, it wasn't Isis the transgendered contestant (who is FIERCE by the way), no, it wasn't the other contestants disgustingly mocking Isis (gross and not right), and no, it wasn't even Mr. Jay's hair (really, though, what was THAT?!).

It was a First Response pregnancy test commercial.

Evidently, previous pregnancy tests were too difficult. All the one pink line vs. two pink lines and pluses or minuses or Pregnant or Not Pregnant was too they've engineered the test to simply read "No" or "Yes". To which I say: IF YOU CAN'T READ THE RESULTS OF A HOME PREGNANCY TEST MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE HAVING A KID!!! Seriously! Having found myself in the company of a home pregnancy test before, I can understand the stress-induced stupor that might make things a little dicey in the thought/recognition department, but c'mon you guys, it's not rocket science.

Scott & I commemorated one year of "dating" yesterday. It was all very exciting. I celebrated by being 3,000+ miles away from him, eating a bowl of spaghetti and then going to bed at 9:15. I know. Romantic, right?!!

The weather has finally taken a turn, and it's Fall in the great Cache Valley. I love the Fall. I love the Fall here. I'm ready for the mountainside to be varying shades of oranges and reds. I'm waiting patiently to be able to see my breath in the mornings....then I'll know that the cool weather is here to stay and I can break out the sweaters and the raspberry beret.

I just wanted to take a moment and tell Briskey how much I love him. You've always been a kind and devoted friend to me, Brian, even when I didn't deserve it. I can't and don't want to picture my life without your friendship. I never knew that I owed Rent so saved you and brought you into my life. I love you. Now let's commemorate that love by living 3,000+ miles away from each other and eating a bowl of spaghetti!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

If you're gonna run, you better keep on runnin'....

So Sprinkles ran away. Now. "Who is Sprinkles" you might ask...Sprinkles is my son's hamster. He informed me the other day that he would like to buy another hamster so that he may call it either Minkles, Tinkles or Rainbow. Just typing those names makes me smile. Anyway, back to the story at hand. We recently procured Monsieur Sprinkles a hamster "play-pen" that allows your hamster to be able to run around and feel the wind in his hair and the sun on his back and all that other jazz that is a simile for sweet freedom. Well, yesterday, while I was in the shower and my son was supposed to be watching Sprinkles, the aforementioned hamster pulled a great escape and climbed over the fence and ran directly into the laundry room and under the dryer, where he proceeded to spend the ENTIRE day! I have come to a realization. And the realization is this: That of the ways to spend a Saturday afternoon, sitting on the floor in a laundry room, trying to tempt a hamster out from under a modern washing appliance, does NOT make the top of the list. Eventually after several hours of avoiding capture, Sprinkles ventured out and was promptly cornered and caught. Sprinkles is now on probation and has lost his play-pen privileges...I think he's hoping one of his hamster friends will come and visit and slip him a hamster-sized cake with a tiny file in it.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Mom. I have school tomorrow. I need my rest.

Just a quick note to let you all know that Gavin survived and thrived during his first day at kindergarten. He thinks Mrs. Cook is very nice. She let him play with the airplanes and the snakes, but not the dinosaurs. There were no tears today, from either of us, and he's very excited to go back tomorrow, so I suppose it was a success all-around. The funny thing is that he had homework. That's right. He's five and he had homework! He now knows what sound a, b, c & e make. For all you theatre folks, all of Adrienne's classes are actually helpful in a non-theatrical capacity...who knew!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

You know you love me. XOXO.

Well. I come to you, penetent and ashamed. I must take a deep sigh before confessing. *Inhales. Exhales.* I spent the weekend watching Gossip Girl with Hans...and I kinda loved it! I'm not one to be snobby about television, if it's horrible and reality based I will probably watch it. If it has anything to do with dancing, comediennes who say inappropriate things, or Tim Gunn using the phrase "Make it work" I will definitely be watching it. But when I first heard about Gossip Girl, I decided that I was going to refuse to watch it based solely on principle. That it was simply a trashy tv show about rich kids who made sexy time with each other while drunk on shaum-pahn-ya or high on the cocahina. But it recently has been the only bright spot in Hans' life, so I decided that I would watch it with her when she recently procured it from my local Sam's Club. And now, I want to be Blair Waldorf. I know it definitely falls under the "guilty pleasure" category of television viewing, but I'm a little too excited about the new season starting up in September....I want to know if Nate and Serena fell in love or into bed with each other and what happened with Dan and Vanessa and whether or not Chuck became admirable. However, I don't care what happens to Jenny....bitchy social! For those of you who haven't watched it, I encourage you to turn off your brain for an hour (or 45ish minutes if you have the DVD or TiVo and don't have to wait for commercial....awesome), and just enjoy. It actually makes me really glad to live in a small town and shop at the Old Navy, because if that's really what high-society is like, I'd be eaten alive!!

Oh, on a side note: Gavin starts school tomorrow. 8am. I'm not quite sure how he's going to take it, as he's a bit of a night owl. It's entirely my fault....I guess that's what I get for doing all those shows while he was in-utero...I was kinda setting him up for it!

Friday, August 22, 2008

"Dew" you know what this means?!

As you may know from previous thrilling installments in my blog, I walk to work. It's the only time during the course of my day that I'm actually "alone" and I'm kinda snobby about it. Anyway, when I walked out of the house there was a slight nip in the air AND DEW ON THE GROUND!!! DEW ON THE GROUND, YOU GUYS!!! Do you know what this means?!! This is Logan-Speak for "Summer is almost over. Sweater Weather is on its way!" To which I say, "Huzzah"! I'm very ready for Summer to be over. I actually hate the heat. I think Summer loses all its appeal around the same time that you start dreading putting on a swimsuit.

Gavin has his teacher Meet & Greet tonight. I'm sure I'll be required to sit in a tiny Gavin-sized chair while Mrs. Cook elaborates on the finer points of kindergarten for my 5 year old son, who, if it doesn't have kung fu, dinosaurs or dinosaurs doing kung fu, he's not really interested.

So something a little weird....I've realized that every time I go to write a new blog, I have to use the ladies...EVERY time....the same thing happens whenever I talk to my sister, too...was that an overshare?

Last night I had a dream starring my dear friend Annette, Kathryn Moss and some random dude who in my dream we all knew and were friends with....we were in Italy and we were trying to get to Venice, but there was a rail strike and the only way to get there was to take one train at one very specific time, well we got to the train station to buy tickets and I realized I didn't have my purse, so Annette spotted me the money to buy the ticket, but I didn't like the idea of going to Venice without money of my own, so I ran back to the apartment to get my purse, but on my way back to the station I got lost and wandered around the city, but it didn't look like an actual Italian city, it looked like what an Italian city built out of foam core would look like. So I'm trying to find the train station and I realize that I've missed the train to Venice with the others, so I go to a restaurant and shrug my shoulders and eat some blueberry pamcakes. I do really like blueberry pamcakes and dislike Venice, so the ending actually makes total sense to me....the other stuff...not so much...

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

F-U-N...sound it out...

Good morning! It's Tuesday. There is little else I can say. Isn't there something mildly soul crushing about Tuesdays. And especially now that Dean & Tori is over, what do I have to look forward to...I ask you, what?! So my son went to his kindergarten evaluation yesterday. Essentially, it's 30 minutes of some gentle-voiced woman (a Mrs. Cook in our case) asking a whole bunch of questions to determine whether or not my son is a dummy. I am happy to report that he is NOT a dummy and we shall be finding out on Thursday who his kindergarten teacher is and if he'll be in the morning or afternoon session. All very exciting, I assure you. I still can't get over the fact that my son is 5! I remember being five....I remember being a witch for Halloween and the time the leprechauns came to class on St. Patrick's Day and left a trail of gold seems strange that my son is now old enough to make and remember memories...very strange, indeed.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Someday love will find. Break those chains that bind you.

So it's Friday night....and I'm writing a blog and listening to my son sing-along to The Good Night Show on Sprout. Just a typical night in the Rockne household! I am looking forward to sleeping in a little bit tomorrow and possibly not showering....ah, the simple joys in life. Speaking of simply joys, I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing better than walking down the street with Journey's Separate Ways playing on one's iPod. If you've never experienced it, I fully encourage you to download it and strut the hell out of it....the only thing missing was a pair of white pumps (youtube the video for the song and you'll understand the reference...genius on so many levels). We were finally able to fix the internet issue (yay Qwest computer guy), so the fine citizens of Cache Valley were able to buy their High School Musical tickets. I've never actually seen the show, as Zac Efron kinda gives me the heebs (which may also be the reason I haven't seen the movie version of Hairspray the Musical), but I hear there's dancing whilst dribbling a this might have impressed me if I hadn't already witnessed this choreographic orgasm in 1982 in one of the best movies ever made Grease 2 Grease's so nice ya gotta say it twice...(youtube Back to School from the movie and you'll see how Bonnie Storey TOTALLY ripped off Patricia Birch). Well, my son has decided that he would like to play Go Diego Go on'd tell you to youtube that as well, but my demands have become excessive and nobody likes a bossy pants.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Good Eye, Sniper

So our internet at work went out. It's not that big of a deal for me, as my job is not contingent on being able to use the internet. It WAS a big deal for my poor friend Keri, who is the ticket office manager at my place of business, and since our ticketing system is based entirely online it was a less than stellar day for her. She spent quite a number of hours on the phone and when she wasn't on the phone with the less than stellar folks at our DSL provider she was trying to describe the upgraded router she needed to purchase to the less than stellar folks at Best Buy. So I've learned a few things today-- 1) Computers can sometimes be a pain in the ass. 2) I'm more addicted to Pandora radio than I ever expected...I'm sorry, sometimes a girl just needs to hear that fine mixture of Dean Martin and Linkin Park and Weezer. 3) A cookie, can in fact brighten a day--I already kinda knew this one, but I still thought it would be worth a mention. And 4) People in this town are REALLY excited about High School Musical tickets!

I wanted to take a moment and give a shout out...that's right, I just used the phrase "Shout-Out" and no, it is NOT 1999 and no, I'm not on TRL, to Briskey. In his blog yesterday he shared my humble blog with his other blog friends and I feel strangly proud to have made the list. I AM indeed trying to keep up....I already have a few ideas about future blogs....who's excited to hear me talk about my sudden and slightly creepy love of peach ice tea...anyone? anyone?....that's cool...I can't respect that....

I also wanted to give a blog hello to annette, who lovingly pointed out that she's reading Excitement City, Population: Me that is my blog. I DON'T think you talk's not your fault the rest of the country sounds like Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables...and congratulations on the new gig...young impressionable minds to mold and corrupt...what could be better?!!

Oh, just an update....I didn't see Burly Chihuahua Guy....he was replaced with Early 90s Dave Coulier Mullet Guy...I tried not to stare, but it was just so beautiful I couldn't help myself....

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

A doggy observation....

So I walk to work everyday....with the price of gas it makes my sister says, my "footmobile" is free....anyway, for the last couple of days, I've been walking past a man walking his dog. Now, this might not sound like a big deal, "Wow" you might think. "A guy. Walking his dog." But here's the part that makes this interesting. The man in question is built like an offensive lineman and consistently wears some sort of shirt with skulls & crossbones and a look on his face that portrays "Mess with me and I'll rip your spleen out." and his dog is a 4 lbs. Chihuahua. That's right. He has "princess" dog; a Hollywood celebutante dog. I find the juxtaposition between his brawn and the dogs wee size comical. Then I got to thinking, as I often do when I'm walking to and from work--sometimes this is good and sometimes this is bad, but that's for another blog, "Maybe this isn't his dog. Maybe this is his girlfriend's dog and he's being a good boyfriend by taking the overgrown rat out for a walk." Then THAT got me thinking--Ladies, DON'T do that....don't make your 240 lbs. boyfriend who listens to death metal and drives a Harley walk your tiny prissy girl dog....just don't do it. It isn't nice. It's emasculating. But, I have noticed the obvious lack of rhinestoned collars or little Louis Vuitton dog-fits on the aforementioned maybe, it is his dog afterall...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Let's try this again...

The delicious Briskey said that I should start writing more frequently on my blog...but here's the problem: I'm lazy. Well, that, and my life is painfully boring. It's one thing to KNOW that your life is mind-numbingly boring, but it's another thing to chronicle said boring life and see said boring life in print. But, I figure, there's got to be enough I can glean from my life and the life of those around me to maybe, just maybe, make a slightly enjoyable blog for all you fine people to read....and by fine people, I really mean Briskey, because, let's be honest, he's gonna be the only one reading, hello, Briskey....I miss you....holla atcha boy!

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Hello. My Name's Amanda. And I'm a Twilight-holic.

I will be the first to admit that deep inside, I am a 14 year old addition to being a 14 year old girl, I am also a spazz AND a dork. Now all three things can make a lethal combination, when, you are, in fact, a 29 year old woman with a 5 year old son and should, in theory, NOT be a Dorky-Spazz Teen. I will also admit to being a Twilight Dorky-Spazz.

I blame Annette entirely.

Gavin and I went for a walk to Borders today so that I could buy a book that I already own, because THIS one had a sneak peek at the first chapter of the next book in the series...that's right....I spent a portion of my hard earned tax stimulus check on one chapter and some iron-on transfers. But in my own defense, I'm helping the economy and bringing a little joy into my life all at the same time....and at least I didn't Spazz out and squeal like a tween when I reserved my copy of Breaking Dawn...back-patting should begiiiiiiiin, NOW! It was nice, though, to spend a little time outside, enjoying the sunny weather with my kid. We had a nice discussion about stop signs and clouds that looked like fish and the occasional stop to get rocks out of his shoes. The highlight of the short trek was his Borders themed joke...allow me to recreate it, if I may....ahem...

Him: We're going to the bookstore?
Me: Uh-huh. The Borders.
Him: No wonder they call it Borders, because I'm always bored there. (pause waiting for laugh) Get it? Borders. Bored. Get it?!!

I don't know which was funnier, the joke (which I did think was quite funny and clever and I had a good laugh at), the look on his face when he realized that he had made a play on words and that it was funny, or the fact that he said "Get it?" because that's something I say quite often in an attempt to make people think my lame jokes are humorous...and just so you don't think I'm a bad, selfish mom, Gavin got a few books himself....I'm not quite sure WHY he needed yet another dinosaur book, but I figured it couldn't hurt....and I'm an old pro at pronouncing dinosaur names now....Aegyptosaurus, Spinosaurus, Charcartosaurus, Paralititan Stomeri...done & done....

Well, I think I shall end this blog. I have a chapter to re-read for the 3rd time and some iron-on transfers to take care of.

Friday, May 30, 2008

My office kinda smells like grandma...

So I suppose this is my first "real" post on this blog-thingie. As you may know I am not technically savvy...not even a little bit....but I thought maybe I should enter the 21st Century....even if it is slightly kicking and lack of computer skills might explain why I used a template and for the life of me I can't figure out how to post a picture on this thing....I tried to upload one from the internet, but for some odd reason blogspot has a bigotry towards hamsters singing into tiny, hamster-sized microphones...a little harsh if you ask me. Eventually I'll get the hang of it and my blogspot will be complete with sparkles and unicorns.

Well. That was exciting. Aren't you glad you spent a few moments of your hectic day reading this entry? See? I wasn't kidding when I named my blog 95% Complete & Utter Crap! Ok. You probably would like to get back to your lives. Here's a parting shot--take a minute today to let the sun warm your face. That is all.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008 thing on?....

Just trying it out. Seeing if this works!