Saturday, January 31, 2009

Twenty-Five AWESOME things about me, Amanda

It's Saturday night. Gavin has kicked me out of the family room so he can watch Bull Riding and there's nothing on the television, so I thought I'd give a go at the 25 Random Facts that's been going around. I'm not sure what will follow, as all of you already know pretty much all there is to know, but here goes...

1. I drink a bottle of Snapple Peach Ice Tea almost everyday. Sometimes just the thought of getting to drink it with my dinner is the only thing that will get me through the day.

2. I have a terrible sense of direction. I get it from my father. The only thing that saves me is the fact that Logan is a grid-system. Otherwise I'd be constantly lost.

3. I hate driving. It makes me anxious. It started after Gavin was born. I avoid driving if at all possible. The funny thing is I'm a HORRIBLE passenger. Not being in control makes me almost more anxious.

4. Scott & my's first date was at Ruby Tuesdays and I bought. I figured since he had just ridden his motorbike 700 miles in a torrential downpour the least I could do was buy him a hamburger, and it was the only restaurant still open at 10pm. I still have the Jones Soda bottle cap from the drink I ordered. It's glued to my bathroom mirror. It says "Good news is on the way"

5. I think Team America is one of the funniest movies ever made. I shouldn't think so, and yet, I do.

6. Sometimes late at night, after Gavin has gone to bed, I watch him sleep. This often makes me cry.

7. I used to hate to read as a kid. I just didn't have the patience for it. Now I have to make myself focus on daily tasks instead of reading books.

8. But I can't borrow books from the library. There's just something about the germs and knowing that numerous people have sneezed and coughed and dirty handed all over the books. Gives me the creeps.

9. I regret everyday getting a degree in Theatre.

10. I used to love peanut butter & jelly bagel sandwiches, but I haven't eaten one since I kept a food journal for one of Maggi's movement classes years ago and she told me they were really fattening.

11. I love Sausage Egg McMuffins. But I only allow myself to eat them on a road trip or vacation.

12. Sometimes the bureaucracy of the government confuses me. I don't see how allowing a poor woman the ability to get birth control is going to send America into moral ruin.

13. I actually watched A Very Duggar Wedding. I found myself thinking how quaint and sweet the whole notion of waiting was. Then the father of the bride starting talking about how it's the wife's job to submit to her husband's will and I had to leave the room.

14. I think if you're going to marry someone, you either take his name or you don't--none of this lame hyphenated shit.

15. I'm an emotional eater.

16. I haven't cut my hair in over a year. The last lady who cut it, butchered it and I'm scared to get it cut again. Also, I have a hard time bringing myself to spend the $35 dollars to get it cut. I mean, $35 dollars! Seriously?! Now I'm thinking of just letting it grow and grow and grow until people think I'm either Crystal Gayle or a FLDS wife.

17. One of my favorite sounds is when you can hear an acoustic guitar changing chords.

18. I've found that since deciding what my own idea of God is and not engaging in organized religion I've never been happier, even though a lot of rough things have happened.

19. I've always been the "chubby" sister. Even though I'm an adult, this still makes me feel insecure.

20. I played ninth grade basketball because I thought it would make my father love me more. I was not very good and spent most of the time riding the bench. I now realize that I didn't need to go through all that effort, that my father loved me regardless.

21. I get embarrassed for people who beatbox. Even if they're really "talented" in the art of beatboxing, I can't help myself. I cringe and feel embarrassed for them.

22. When I was younger my dream was to be a hand model on QVC, then I injured both of my ring fingers in tetherball accidents and that was a dream deferred.

23. Everyday at work at 3pm, Keri and I have 3 o'clock Dance Hour where we put on Britney's Womanizer and dance at our desks.

24. I like to eat fish sticks while they're still frozen.

25. I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't think there's some Divine Force that makes bad things happen to good people to test them. I think, just like everything in life, the Universe has checks and balances and it's just the nature of humanity.


Gavin has a best friend. Not just a best friend, a SUPER best friend. He's a little boy from Gavin's kindergarten class who happens to live down the street from us. He called the house at 7am this morning to ask if Gavin wanted to go swimming. This did not make me happy. It made me even less happy to hear his mother and father talking in the background!

I've been feeling unwell the last couple of days. It's not bad enough to need to stay home and sleeping in my snuggly bed, but it's bad enough to make me spend the day blowing electric green snot out of my nose and dry coughing to the point of making myself pee in my pants a little...get ready for that, Annette, you'll soon have to perfect the cross-your-legs when you sneeze/cough too!

I've also been having extremely odd dreams lately. The other night I dreamt I was dating Janeane Garafalo and I broke up with her because she wouldn't let me hold our cat while it rode it's little kitty-sized bicycle. And last night I dreamt that I was pregnant and I had the baby, but it was premature and so the doctors never cut the umbilical cord and I was just walking around with this tiny baby with its umbilical cord still attached. I'm blaming the crinkly duvet. I had totally normal dreams before I inherited the crinkly duvet. Maybe it's cursed. Maybe a disgruntled Ikea worker put a hex on it...crazy Swedish bastard...

I made Scott a Mixed Tape for Valemtime's Day. I know it's TOTALLY grade 8, but I think Mixed Tapes are a fundamental component of any relationship. I also made him a Pop Appreciation CD...Pop 101, if you will! He's made me a Metal Appreciation CD, so I thought it was only right to introduce him to my friends Britney, Christina & Mad-donna. I think secretly he's gonna love it!

Now that wasn't so hard, was it Briskey! You know if I had any idea how to post pictures it would be a cavalcade of you Respecting the Howie and End of the Year Banquet such, you'll just have to settle for imagining me, looking at aforementioned pictures wistfully. Oh, and I'm sorry to hear about British Ben...perhaps this is the Universe's Way of not punishing you, but giving you a reminder that there are good guys out there. Yeah, I don't understand the Universe much myself either!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I shall mourn the loss of the "Gentleman"

I think it's fair to say that chivalry is dead. I know this to be true due to the fact that not one, not two, not even three, easily 15 strong, virile young men walked past me today while I was carrying a fairly large box filled to overflowing with picture frames and flower vases and not ONE offered any assistance of any kind. In fact, I actually had a group of 8 guys make me stand and wait to pass through a door while I was holding 2 large metal easels. I realize that as women, some of us can be very "grrrr...I'm a strong woman...grrr...I don't need your help, you man...grrr" but just for all my male readers, the next time you see a woman carrying the effing door and don't make her stand there waiting while you and your other fratty best friends stroll through a door.

The Bridal Faire was interesting. I wasn't next to a videographer this year. Instead I was nestled snuggly between an insurance salesman who would start every conversation with "When's the big day" and then start in on them to get their insurance needs in order, especially life insurance because he just helped a woman who was married 6 months ago and her husband was just recently killed in a car accident, and a family who rents Chocolate Fountains who had very specific rules on how to dip a pretzel in the chocolate "curtain." I'm not entirely sure if it isn't better to be stuck listening to All For One for 8 hours straight.

While on campus for the Bridal Faire I signed a petition to help save USU from more budget cuts. I know it probably won't mean much, but every little bit helps.

I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and lounging about watching tv, drinking Snapple Peach Ice Tea and starting on The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe with the kid. We finally finished The Magician's Nephew last night. I've never actually read anything by C.S. Lewis and I find his writing style to be quite charming. Yessica has lent me the entire series and I'm hoping to get them back to her before the kid is 16!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Scuff, Squish, Scuff, Squish, Scuff, Squish

It's rainy and slushy and icy and cold here and since the ground is still frozen there's no place for all the water to go, resulting in gigantic bottomless puddles. It was once such puddle that I slipped into this morning. There's something slightly depressing about knowing you're going to be spending the day with one wet sock.

I'm feeling better today. I ate a huge cookie and watched clips of Xanadu on YouTube. It's fundamentally impossible to be upset after the combination of sweets and Olivia Newton-John.

I'm spending all day tomorrow working at the Bridal Faire. It's essentially a room full of wedding vendors, brides, mothers of the bride, mothers of the groom trying to be involved in the planning, friends or sisters of the bride, women who haven't been proposed to yet but are convinced it's going to happen soon and spirit-broken fiances. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get stuck next to some videographer and have the listen to a song by All For One for 8 hours straight.

And Lil, you'd didn't contribute to my bad mood at all, and I appreciate the's NEVER a good thing to be close-minded about anything, even marriage! And don't stress about the baby stuff--everything will be golden. In the meantime, if you'd like, I'd be more than happy to lend you my kid!

And for you, Kevin, you can suck it!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I'll take one of everything....

I've been in a horrible mood the last couple of days. I can't pinpoint the reason, but everything makes me so angry. It's gotten so bad that I don't even want to talk or be around people for fear that I'll pick a fight and end up saying something hurtful. I hate feeling like this. I think I might need to eat my might be the only solution.

Have you ever thought about how drastically different your life would be if you'd made just ONE decision differently? I have and it's a very dangerous thing to think about.

But Lil, I've always liked the color pink and sparkles....where does that leave me now?

And for the record, Annette, I happen to like McDonald's Orange Drink, but I am sorry that you have to drink a radioactive version...can't they just check your urine for proteins...doctors are whizzes (ha!) at finding the answers to things in pee?

Briskey, my main complaint was about the advice you gave the young wife & mother. You totally forgot that there was another component--her husband! It's not solely her responsibility to reinvigorate the passion into their relationship! She should talk to her I tell Scott, get a beer and get ready to talk about their feelings like adults, because if he's not on board and ready to dedicate a little time to getting the romance back, nothing she does will help. And also, I don't think you've ever tried to shower with a 16 month old...that shit is impossible! However, I did LOOOOOOVE when you told the girl to get a hobby that wasn't her boyfriend...sheer brilliance!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I don't believe in marriage. I think it's antiquated and an unnecessary societal pressure. I think the whole idea of needing a piece of paper and an extremely expensive party to admit that your relationship is meaningful is ludicrous. And I'd really like for people to stop asking me if I'm married or engaged or planning on getting married or thinking of getting married or thinking about thinking about getting married. I'm not. I don't. So stop asking.

I'm feeling more optimistic, too, Annette. I don't know. Maybe it's because things are clicking into place on some grand cosmic scale, but I feel like 2009 might be alright. Now. The last time I felt that way, I got knocked up and shortly after my mom got cancer, so perhaps it's safer to view the world as glass half-empty of delicious fiber supplement.

Briskey, congrats on the Gay Truth Booth. Although I didn't agree with all of your advice, I thought you did good, kid! I think every girl needs a gay friend and I'm happy to be able to share mine with Tyra show viewers! And just for the record, your choice for pictures were perfect!

My mom made me trade my acrylic down Ikea comforter for her real down Ikea comforter. Hers was too hot. But hers crinkles when it moves. I'm still lost on how a blanket can crinkle, but it does and it wakes me up. I think I might have to do a takes-back...

Gavin has taken to recreating through pantomime the Subway commercial where people's pants and buttons rip and burst to the tune of the 1812 Overture. I laugh EVERY time he does it!

I never gave a con-blog-ulations to Sister for getting straight A's this past semester...nicely done...way to kick Arabic's don't you have some hierglyphs to read?!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Vote for Pedro

My son refuses to wear anything but his snow boots when venturing outside--even if we haven't had new snow for several days and the sidewalks are clear. He kinda looks like Napoleon Dynamite, minus the awesome perm and slightly over-extended teeth.

I came home last night to find the floors of the family room and living room covered in newspaper. Gavin was playing a game where the newspapers were land and the carpet/flooring was water. I didn't bother asking him why. I've learned that if he's not hurting himself or others to just let it go.

We're all going to Salt Lake tomorrow to see Walking with Dinosaurs. It's this live action show filled with motorized life-sized dinosaurs. Gavin has made me watch the videos of it on YouTube about 900 times. I must admit that I'm excited to see how it all goes. And I'm preparing for when the kid's head explodes!

I wanted to give a big Con-blog-ulations (Yep. I did it again!) to Briskey. He's got his own advice column on the Tyra Banks Show Community website. I went over and read some of the questions the young ladies have already written to him....I think he might have his work cut out for him! I know that he's going to handle it like a pro and most important, however, is that he is somehow going to charm his way into meeting Tyra Banks and then he can tell me what she's really like and if you can tell she's wearing a weave! Fiiiiiieeeerrrrrccce!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final.

I have pinpointed the worst thing about being in a long-distance relationship. It has nothing to do with the actual distance. The worst part is wanting to see your boyfriend so desperately, but you can't afford a plane ticket. You can scrape together a few days and get the time off from your spirit-breaking job. You can even find someone to watch the kid. But your grown-up adult side can't be persuaded by your lonely, love-sick side to put the cost of the ticket on your credit card. Damn fiscal responsibility. My bed feels big and cold and lonely without Scott in it and it sucks.

Good news everyone! My computer is A-OK and all my pictures have survived. Hooray! Thank God for Daniel, who my mom keeps trying to get me to marry; I keep trying to remind her that I already have a boyfriend and he's handy and doesn't make me cry or knock me up, so maybe Megs should marry Daniel. Actually. If anybody reading this is a cute girl, with a good head on her shoulders, who likes men who are painfully socially awkward, a little nerdy, and who wear socks with sandals, please let me know, I have just the guy for you.

Gavin and I have taken to TiVo-ing Judge Judy and then watching it when I get home from work. The past two nights we've eaten delicious perogis and watched Judge Judy give dumb people the what for. Gavin is learning a lot. For example, last night he learned that you don't sass back to Judge Judy and that you NEVER talk when Judge Judy is talking. Good words to live by if you ask me.

I'd just like to take a moment to talk about Gossip Girl. I'm over the whole Rufus & Lily and their illegitimate baby search. Snore. Little J. Snore AND Joan Jett called and she wants her hair back. Serena and Dan. Super Snore. The only reason I watch the show anymore is for the sheer bliss that is Chuck and Blair. All I have to say is that if Uncle Jack does anything to jeopardize Chuck and Blair's tenuous relationship, I will be VERY angry...VERY angry indeed.

Kevin--I'm sorry things are not going well in the department and the University. It's like they were a bunch of grasshoppers that sang all summer and now it's the winter and they're like "Shit man, we're gonna freeze and starve, lets cut some jobs and eff up a lot of people."

Briskey--You don't look anything like a bear. Ridiculous nonsense.

Annette--My suggestion for your baby's name would be to think back to plays or books that had an impact on your life and find a name from those. I think it's important that a kid have a story for his/her name. Like Gavin--Hans picked his name after a character off of the show Angel! After she suggested it, we realized that we'd never met an ugly or dumb or douchey Gavin, so voila, a star was born!! I'm not saying you should name your 9ft tall alien fetus after a sub-par television show, but I think the story is important! Also, congratulations on your 4 year Anniversary with the delightful Mike. I look back fondly on being able to fly to Calgary for your wedding and have a lot of lovely memories of that trip and the look on Mike's face as you walked down the aisle to meet him.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy 2009!

Well, Friends, I had both an awesome and anti-awesome holiday season!

I went to work on the 24th and came home and hugged my sisters and father who had come up for the holiday and made some Christmas Eve dinner and wore my awesome Hawaiian themed apron while I was clearing up and pre-washing the dishes before they went in the dishwasher and cut my thumb on the top of a can and was applying pressure to stop the bleeding that refused to stop (damn can), when the doorbell rang. My father answered it and I heard him say, "Hey!! Come in!!" Hans then looked over at me with rather wide eyes and mouthed, "It's Scott." That's right. My boyfriend had spent the entire day getting from Halifax, Nova Scotia via Boston via Denver to surprise me for Christmas! This just further continues my belief that I am the worst girlfriend ever and don't really deserve him!! He was the best Christmas present I could have received! Unfortunately, with all Rockne family get-togethers there was a bit of drama and I ended up crying in the women's toilet and resolving to go on a far-away trip for the Holidays next year...I'm thinking Puerto Rico...the warmth and availability of delicious, delicious Rum makes it an appealing destination...I think Gavin would like a Christmas on the beach next year...I was sorry that Scott had to face the full-force of a Rockne Holiday, but he handled it like an absolute pro (again, a further reminder that I'm not exactly sure why he's with me)...and even took Gavin sledding...and if Scott hadn't purposely aimed for the bump half-way down Old Main they probably would have successfully had a non-crashing trip!

I hate to admit it, because it's not very "I'm an independent woman who doesn't need a man to validate my existence" but I miss my boyfriend when he leaves...but I try to focus on the fact that I was lucky to get to see him at all and that I'll get to see him in a couple of months after he Sun Runs!

I've decided I hate New Year's Eve. It's a pointless holiday really. It's just another day to remind you that you're going to die fat and alone and be found 2 weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs.

I've had the last week off from work. It's been a lovely break and Gavin, Scott and I have spent the time watching marathons on the Discovery Channel. Today, Gavin and I have been watching Mythbusters. After watching a few episodes, Gavin decided that he had some myths he needed to bust and has spent the day building various "myths" and then "busting"'s days like these that make me enjoy motherhood...also, the fact that my kid watches Judge Judy with me...and when asked "What's Shakin'?" he shakes his bum and says "Nothin' but my little, little bootay!"

Scott bought me some soap from Lush that makes me smell like a Swedish Fish. After telling him this fact, he asked "What's a Swedish Fish?" Then I wondered if I could continue to date someone who's never eaten a Swedish Fish!

I am not making any New Year's Resolutions this year. What's the point. Wait. I just lied. I have made ONE New Year's's to ask my kid "What's shakin'" more often!