Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Just a little poke...

I'm doing IV therapy this week. After just four days I will be proficient in the art of starting IVs, calculating IV medications (which are, hands down, one of my most favorite things to do in the world....gtts/min and solving for x make me happy), and removing blood for testing. This is all very exciting. Except the fact that I've never actually put an IV in before, let alone gone anywhere near a human being with a needle. So before they let us "stick" our partner, we have to practice on mannequin arms (see above picture), complete with fake blood, that squirts back at you if you don't put the T-tube in fast enough! I performed my first successful angio-cath on a very accommodating mannequin arm today and am feeling a little more confident with my skills. My partner, Alivia, may not like me too much tomorrow, but I'm going to focus on not making her look like she's a IV drug abusing transient.

On a happier note, I haven't officially welcomed Baby Avery to the world yet.....so.....Welcome Baby Avery!! Yeah. That was anticlimactic. When you come to visit Auntie Amanda in a few years, I'll teach you some valuable lessons about not going to sleep with wet hair or wet fingernails and also how to avoid romantically pining after a gay man for 3 years....very valuable lessons indeed.

On a sadder note, I'm sorry about the job, Briskey. Keep your head up. Just keep swimming. Like a kitten in a tree, hang in there. You can always move back here and live in my basement. But you'll have to earn your keep by waking me up every morning by screaming "Fat ass, Fat ass" and then pantomiming Maggi smoking. The pay is excellent and I'll see if I can get you dental.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

IIIIIIIIIIIII'mmmmmm Baaaaaaaack!

Hello, my dear friends, it has been ever so long since I've been here with you. I apologize for my long absence. I have been very busy these last few months, allow me to elaborate....

1. I applied for the LPN program
2. I met an unbelievably cool man
3. I got accepted into the LPN program
4. I married that unbelievably cool man
5. My entire life became homework, clinicals, tests, homework, studying, and more homework

But now, dear friends, I finished my last final (Care of the Family, if you'd like to know) this morning at 10:30am and, with the exception of a few odds and ends to finish up (exit interview, field trip to the burn unit at the U of U hospital), I am officially finished with my LPN program and will graduate next Thursday night. Do you know what this means?! No homework! AND I can share my insanely boring life with you all on a regular basis...aren't you excited? You should be!!

A few things:

1. Briskey--Ashley needs to stop kissing all of those men. As a healthcare provider, she's increasing her risk for contracting infectious mononucleosis or herpes simplex virus 1! A little self control never hurt anyone, Ms. Bachelorette, play a little hard to get, geez...

2. Ann-ette--I'm hoping that option 1 is the suggestion I made for you the other day....awww yeeeaaahhh....

3. Lil--Your baby makes my uterus hurt. His 'No Look' is so unbearably cute, it almost melts my icy cold heart...almost...

4. Kevin--I'm glad that you're moving onward and upward...I'm sorry you didn't get the position, but as cliched as it sounds, everything happens for a reason and something fantastic is coming your way, I can just tell. Also, can I come to the Mile High city to visit and buy you some chocolate munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts?!

Ok. Well. I'm going to go. My brain is a little fried post-finals and I'm in need of reruns on Bravo! Peace out!